Saturday, September 10, 2016

Talking Point: The Sheer "Ingenuity" of Cross Days

This is not exactly an article that can be categorized. It's not a statement of my thoughts, it's not a list, it's not anything, really.
It's simply pointing out something incredibly fascinating that nobody has ever really talked about to a large extent. And that thing is Cross Days.
Look. Visual novels are incredibly easy to crap all over. Heck, this post is going to probably end up largely deprecated upon anyway. I've certainly already established quite the extensive array of posts discussing the sheer niche lunacies of their frankly baffling scope.
But this one takes the cake.

And no, it's not due to the game itself. It's essentially the tried-and-true formula for every visual novel ever- a guy with an unpronounceable but impeccable Japanese name has the hots for multiple "hot babes NERRRR" and it's decision time tilde tilde tilde~
Actually, it's kind of like that? It's really intricate, like explaining a Steenwyck to a disinterested toddler. So I'll kind of pass on that.
The game itself is great, I'm sure of it. The simple line from the Wikipedia article of "Unique to the game are yaoi routes, in which the protagonist crossdresses as a maid and engages in homosexual intercourse" pretty much sells the whole game. I'll take twelve.
The more interesting thing, however, is that it's the subject of two remarkably peculiar byproducts which probably helped it become fairly notable but which are kind of forgotten nowadays.
First is the fact that it's release had a few odd tie-ins. Perhaps the most unremarkable is an accompanying radio drama. Y'know, in case you were thirsting for an avant-garde radio play. We aren't pioneers, Japan.
More interesting was the fact that it came with numerous, shall I say incredibly frightening, peripherals. Now, it's an erotic game, so it will have a fanbase with a lot of kinks.
However, it takes an especially engaged fan to stick their genitalia into a plastic death machine, and that's exactly what they did.
Ladies and gentleman, this is the SOM.

You okay? We can take a break. This is really discomforting, I know. BUT WE MUST PERSEVERE.
So yeah, they made several of these. This one is extremely self-explanatory I should hope. They didn't really try to hide it.
Now, you might be thinking, "Okay, so my very existent wife now has a fancy new toy. What about me? I want to be able to play the game with her and have shared ecstasy."
Well, for you men, there's this.
What is that, some fancy hairdryer? No, I'm afraid not. To help clear things up, it also comes in this much more easier to comprehend variant.

Come on. Don't humanize the terrifying sex-robot. Please. It's like you're asking for my mom to have an 'adult conversation' with me.
I honestly thought, when brainstorming for this article, that I'd have to explain it somehow. They also say that "A picture speaks a thousand words." I'm not writing three thousand words. I think the images do enough.
How... organized?
Now, I bet you're eager to get the game and try it out, right? Test drive! Well, don't download it illegally. Or at least not back in 2010. The creators of Cross Days knew that this would happen, so they took the extra mile and did something quite unorthodox.
They loaded their game with Kenzero, a Trojan horse virus.
Now, what does this do? Well, it captures a screenshot from your computer which became used as ransom.
The main purpose was that it was hoping to capture its users doing something personal. This was then uploaded to their website for all to ogle at like a public hanging, proclaiming, "Don't be these effing idiots."
The catch was that to get the information taken down, the person had to publicly confess, sacrificing their name and thus being known as one of the many to have illegally downloaded a Japanese erotic visual novel (which, by the way, is definitely not a handful at all).
That's especially bad news for the poor soul/sinner caught browsing through plant erotica, eliminating two kinks at once like a fancy bowling trick.

I did this for you. I read the whole godforsaken thing, FOR YOU.
Lucky for the guy, he didn't have to use his actual name (as when you sign up for the game you gave your name and phone number, and let's face it, it was probably very phoned in), but I'm sure the one hour of regret this guy had was immaculate.  Truly, though, what is worse to confess to, reading about a plant sexing a lady's "p****y lips" or doing so on Internet Explorer? It's 2010, people, c'mon.
And before anybody shouts, "You can't do that!", yes they can. They thought ahead and specifically stated their secret in the Terms of Agreement, further proving that you could literally put anything in the terms and it wouldn't be acknowledged for what, decades?
While the website has been taken down, you can still access it with the Wayback Machine. And it's amazing. The hot pink and odd formatting, not so much.
Either way, Cross Days remains a strange relic in a sea of strange relics, and while nobody remembered before, now approximately ten people are wiser. Thank you.

For the last Interview with Final Smash!, CLICK HERE.
For the last A Thought to Chew on level progression and Sonic Unleashed, CLICK HERE.


No comments:

Post a Comment