Friday, April 1, 2016

Impersonal List: Top 12 Places to Be In in Mario Kart

Who doesn't like Mario Kart? I mean, it's a video game that you play.
Pretty cool, right?
So there's 12 places. Which is the best place? Well here at Watchmojo we outdid ourselves again.
Spoiler alert: It's not that hard, dummy.

12. 12th Place
At 12th place, you're essentially the worst. Nice try recovering, dipstick. You're get up ahead one day, but it ain't looking so smooth for you. You're essentially in first place you're so far back.
11. 11th Place
Congratulations, you get the pity point of the match. That measly one point definitely incentivizes you to keep playing.
10. 10th Place
Wow, nice going! You're almost out of the double digits! Too bad you still suck. That Golden Mushroom of yours will definitely help out on Rainbow Road, try it!
9. 9th Place
Nine? More like nein! G-get it? 'C-cuz you still suck?
8. 8th Place
Eight ain't great. Keep trying.
7. 7th Place
You're at the point where you could steal the lead or fall back into obscurity. Either way, have fuuun.
6. 6th Place
You better get prepared, 'cuz you're officially in the middle of it all. Prepare to get Bullet-Billed, Red-and-Green-shelled, and Invincibility-Starred and sent back to the back of the classroom.
5. 5th Place
You're in the top 5! Let's see how long that lasts.You're gonna get a Triple Mushroom, speed on by to first, get Blue-Shelled, and sent all the way back. You just got Sisyphus'd, son!
4. 4th Place
You ain't getting no medal, but at least nobody's gonna diss on you.... Ya idiot.
3. 3rd Place
Congratulations! You're stuck in that awkward limbo between winning and not making it. It's like in the Olympics how the person who doesn't get a medal is more happy than the poor soul who gets a bronze and hates himself/herself for not being any better.
2nd Place
Taste the mediocrity, rookie. I'm sure you're gonna get used to that taste.
1st Place
Nice lucky hunch, dipstick, you know I got Blue-Shelled at the last minute and you pulled ahead.
(I suck at Mario Kart)
This list was written in memoriam of the dead journalists haunting Buzzfeed. You'll be missed.

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