Wednesday, November 11, 2015

I Made My First Video on GoAnimate. Here's How it Went.

Let's cut straight to the point, the point that GoAnimate is awful. It's basically a cancerous cesspool whose intention was to make content used for businesses, but instead backfired completely. Yeah, nice try with your little alibi there, GoAnimate, but I don't think that you made this solely for business. There's become a growing subculture of people making really terrible videos out of the "animation" software, and in spite of the many fans, it's also critically hated by, you know, people who animate for a living. It really serves no purpose, is a complete waste of time, and it's always junk no matter how much time you put into it. It'll always be awful.
So I decided to make one. I was partially inclined upon hearing that GoAnimate would stop allowing for free accounts and would thus delete all of them in January, so I decided "screw it, I'm doing it."
Unfortunately, I just realized that that means my first video was a crappy GoAnimate production, a special place wasted on a turd. SHHH JUST DON'T TELL ANYBODY
So make an account and throw stuff together. I saw an anime thing yesterday and decided that a cheap knock-off of, erm, every anime presumably (I don't watch anime) was better than a Family Guy knock-off animation. And off I went.
As somebody who keeps a Word document full of ideas for writing and videos, I decided to... not use it. After all, why waste something amazing on GoAnimate? Either way, I went into it knowing nothing except that I was to make the Citizen Kane of GoAnimations to impress only the most refined tweens.
As such, I decided to give them all terrible Japanese names. The story revolves around the unrequited love of Fuji-san towards Eito-kun, who has since left her for Anzu-san, who is referred to under the more/less elaborate title of "Rice Ball B*tch Anzu-san" for some reason. Don't ask. It just kind of came up.

There comes a great sense of power in writing the lines.
Phase one is to insert the characters and give them all terrible lines. In an attempt to highlight the dread and lack of sense in the GoAnimation, I tried to make it simultaneously linear and convoluted. It's linear in the sense that it's not hard to follow, but convoluted in the sense that it's terrible. I also made it as profane as possible, an odd reflection on the fact that I don't actually swear. I think I was just just being masochistic, I dunno.
Then, you finesse, which is hard because you can't finesse something that is not supposed to be finessed. Basically, fix the body language and give some false semblance of human emotion in the poorly-constructed figures.
Then, the best part: add in music. You are presented with a delightful assortment of tunes from your favorite local commercials to choose from, many of which are in an unbearable quality that degrades my ear.
Then you have to reallign. The tunes weren't made for the program, so unless you want music that cuts out for no reason or have sad music playing during a swordfight (which, no that I think about it, would be a hilarious juxtaposition), you have to beef it up and add in some stuff.
Finally! I'm done and never have to look at this garbage again! Or so I thought. Unfortunately, you have to pay some money to post GoAnimate videos to Youtube. No biggie, right? I mean, how much could it cost?
Whelp, eff that. I found a fancy screen-recording software that I had no idea how to use (notice how badly it cuts out at the end if, y'know, you too have the masochistic inclination to watch) which will probably start to charge me $50 a month after the free trial ends. I haven't even used a screen-capturing system before, or edited anything, so at least I learnt something new today: how to use the scissors tool, which is arguably something I probably should've already known how to use.
Nailed it.
All of you people on Youtube are laughing your butts off, I get it. But technology is my Kryptonite. If I could send out a copy of every post in print and send it via envelope, I totally would.
Cut the ends off, and export it to Youtube. Give it some good tags so that it'll be noticed, and BAM! My first video slot is wasted forever.
Admittedly, I did have some fun with it, though I had to take precautions to not get too invested in what makes a good story, ergo character development or the idea of a plot, but I'm ashamed to say it was mildly enjoyable. Will I make another one? Probably not unless it blows up, which would only signify my lack of belief in human faith.
And with that five hours of 'diligent' 'work' out of the way, 'please enjoy' '!'

Anyway, I know this was short and sweet (As an article. The 'animation' literally took five hours.) but hopefully things will pick up soon.
To see my last effort in fusing with Internet culture, click here for some fanfiction!


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