Saturday, August 22, 2015

Sonic Showdown: Eggman v. Amy

After a few weeks, the Sonic Team finally decided to throw a curveball by duking out two more familiar faces instead of making it a quick, pointless toss-up. (Even though this contest is kind of pointless anyway, Shhh.)
On one hand is Amy Rose, best known for her appearences in Sonic CD, Sonic Adventure, and, of course, the thousands upon thousands of poorly-written fanfiction. The extant of her prescence online is unsurprising though, especially considering that things like this horrifyingly grotesque mess exists. Just... just don't touch that, okay? I'm still ashamed.
Aming her other pros is a rather on-fleek eyelash game which, while not eyebrows, surely has the Internet won over.
She also has a hammer, which I assume only exists for solely innuendous purposes, so yeah, that's a thing? Yes, I know, I am the John Milton of eloquent fake-journalism.

Meanwhile, Eggman, despite his obviously, um, round state, manages to pull of a moustache game that makes Salvador Dali's look well-groomed in comparison. Going back to his rotund state, though, Eggman can still pull of track-and-field with finesse. To think a guy with three times as much weight as me can still pull of a sick 50m dash.... Now that's motivation if I'ver ever heard it.
Unfortunately, he still hasn't quite mastered the whole "evil genius" thing. At least Dr. Wiley can keep coming back better off than ever, but this idiot still hasn't quite mastered it. Of all the things he recruits (Perfect Chaos, Dark Gaia, the Time Eater, etc.), he manages to forget the whole "don't murder me" thing in the contract which, if I were an evil genius, would be a PRETTY BIG EFFING PART OF IT.
Still, there's something vaguely lovable about him, especially the fact that he appears in only roughly half of all the poorly thought-out fanfiction that Amy does. I gotta give it to him, 'cuz at least he has the audacity to keep coming back.

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