Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Dissecting the Sonic Showdown: Big v. Chao

So I got a new computer and decided it was a good excuse to, y'know, avert doing essentially the only thing I do. I took some time to carefully examine a smattering of walls, but I suppose it's time to return.
Let's see here............ Hot dang.
I mean.... It's the Chao. Do you want a joke? The existence of Big the Cat is a joke in it of itself. You recruit the guy who voices Duke Nukem, and you make him portray a purple, bumbling idiot in pursuit of a frog whose biggest (HA!) contribution to the Sonic universe is making the other characters look halfway decent.
Sure, Chao doesn't do sh*t, but at least they aren't Big the godforsaken Cat.
The best part is the way that Sonic's PR guy talks of Big as the quote-unquote "epitome of character depth, growth, and valiance in a Sonic game." Quite frankly, his only growth is in the rotund state of his belly.

For Christ's sake, the existence and physical state of Big the Cat makes Henry VIII look like a piece of freaking bamboo. He couldn't even enter Extreme Weight Loss because he was deemed "beyond repair."
The one GOOD thing I can say about Big the Cat, and it's as much of a stretch as you think it is, is that he inspired what I can only call the greatest fanfiction chapter I've ever read the first two sentences of. Trust me, it's quite the journey. My favorite part is how even the fanfic author takes every possible excuse to remind us that Big the Cat's existence is a complete joke.

Missed the last one? Here <3.

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