Tuesday, July 21, 2015

That's My 2 Cents: Two Times Colonel Sanders Appeared in Video Games

Colonel Sanders. Arguably the most famous person to ever be featured on a bucket of fried chicken, he's become an icon in the world of fast food. Naturally, he's also appeared in video games.
Considering that Pepsi and Coca-Cola made completely necessary video games that weren't at all a waste of human potential, gaming visionaries decided that the next big face of gaming was a goatee-clad curmudgeon from somewhere in Kentucky. After all, nothing says good marketing like an old man in a white suit!
Trio the Punch (1990)
Trio the Punch is a strange beast, known prominently for this fact that it appeared in an episode of the G-Files as well as having the greatest box art ever. Those two guys..... Just look at them go.......(?)
The whole game is a parody experience which, considering the fact that it's from Japan, shouldn't be all that surprising. What IS surprising, though, is the colorful and bizarre cast of characters and enemies.
Are spike-clad turtles and walking shiitakes a little too boring? How about a sheep made of cotton candy shooting out miniature sheep heads or giant cyan feet jumping all over the place like professional league hopscotch? Lastly, of course, there's Colonel Sanders, doing what he does best; bouncing all over the place like a pogo stick on ecstasy.


While most games decide to let enemies die by collapsing or vanishing, Trio the Punch decided to take it up a level. Basically, poor-old Sanders screams a little bit before landing and having his entire top half blown off. A purple bird then flies out of his stomach and excretes dozens of chicken wings. You know, just as birds are renowned to do.
Lastly, some lovably flawed Engrish pops up, declaring "WIN WIN" because winning once is for chumps.
Beause I'm too lazy to figure out a good way to segue to the next part, here's a link to Michelangelo's "Dying Slave" truly finding himself.

Phantasy Star Portable 2: Infinity
Did you think that awkward product placement was a passing fad? 'Cuz if that's the case, NOPE! Leaping forward 21 years is PSP2I. Based on my extensive skimming of the Wikipedia page, I managed to surmise after two minutes that it's a pretty basic JRPG. You have your tsundere (think "I hate you... oh wait it's been a couple of hours now I respect you and let's be friends and go fly kites together like in all those romantic movies and this is dragging on for way too long I think you get the point), the person with the quote unquote "queer accent" (thanks, Wikipedia!), and the rest of the people.
Also, product placement!
Basically, you go through a magical KFC rainbow portal and find a KFC shop. No big deal, just an intergalactic wormhole that leads to a fast food restaurant. There, you can buy such weapons as "Mustard Gun" and "Chicken Weave", which sounds less like a weapon and more like some hairstyle from the '80s.
Oh yeah, and there's also Colonel Sanders. He's okay I guess. He doesn't really do much.

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