Friday, February 27, 2015

Tumblr Repost: The Two Times Thongs Appeared in Your Favorite Video Games

Okay, so here's a little rundown of what the heck this actually is.
Long-term readers will now that about half a year ago, I started a Tumblr.
It was a complete failure.
The sad thing is that I thought it could be a success. Considering that it is much more current than the essentially obsolete Blogger I've been using for about one and a half years, I was under the impression that it would be noticed by more people, and Christ, it didn't do anything. I don't know how Tumblr works, but I'm under the impression that my page was either broken or buried under a heap of food, porn, and food porn. (HAHA, SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!)
Even so, I feel like some ideas I had up there could eventually find a way here. Apparently, there was some way to link accounts together, and I thought "Hey, maybe this could be used to make a sort of community!" I mean, I have a fair amount of people with which I have contacts, so I thought it would be pretty sweet but alas, that didn't do crud either.
Anyway, I decided that to keep things churning, I would repost the stuff I worked on as "Tumblr Exclusives" and I'm under the fair assumption that 99.9999999% of you will have not already seen it. 
This was the first post I made for the Tumblr on August 30th, 2014. For some reason, I decided "Hey! Let's make a post about underwear!" Thirty minutes later, a mediocre post was born. It's not bad, but I hate it and I don't know why. Probably because it doesn't look good with the rest of my stuff. I tried a new format, but it didn't work because (A) this was the first post and (B) I have no idea what crap I ended up publishing. In addition, I'm under the fair impression that everybody already knows all this stuff, so the post is essentially worthless. Regardless, here it is: one of my worst posts for the general public to taunt me with.

Thongs. Something about them is so…. magical. Just as unicorns from the olden days, thongs have become a legendary sight to behold.
Wouldn't it be funny if such a thing were to appear in a kid’s game? Right? Am I right? I mean, that wouldn't ever happen…… or would it?
Yes. Some of your favorite games have some hidden undergarments laying around, so I’m here to present you with two you might have missed.

Super Mario RPG (1996) - Toadstool’s ???

Way back during the heydays of the SNES, Mario games were a gift from the gods. Don’t get me wrong, they still are amazing, but with only a handful of pixels, people could create some of the most legendary games of all time. You didn't have your Halos or CoDs or whatever else kids play these days; you had Mario, The Legend of Zelda, Final Fantasy, Earthbound, Sonic, Kirby…. so many good games……
Am I off topic again? I apologize.
One day, way back in the early '90s, everybody’s favorite game developer, Nintendo, struck a deal with Squaresoft to make an RPG unlike any to come before it. Having previously worked on games like Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest, they took the opportunity to make one of the most influential games on the SNES of all time. Great gameplay, great humor, and beautiful graphics were all tied together with amazing music.
But enough about that. You just wanna hear about dem thongs.
Early in the game, you go to Princess Toadstool’s (now Peach’s) Castle, and you can detour to her room. While it may not look like there’s anything there, take a good peak behind her fireplace and you find Toadstool’s ???. Looks like someone just completed their first panty raid!
Toadstool’s grandmother will storm in and give Mario a mushroom to forget it ever happened. Yeah, I don’t think we will, Grandma.

Cave Story (2004) - Curly’s Underwear

Going forward eight years takes us to the indy classic, Cave Story. A labor of love from Daisuke Amaya, he created the game all by himself spanning five years. Long story short, it payed off. It’s now considered the quintessential freeware game, and six years later, the quintessential WiiWare and DSiWare game.
There’s one thing, however, that you probably overlooked during your first playthrough, and I’m gonna bet they were “green panties with a cute little red insignia.”
In the Sand Zone Residence, there will be a room off to the side. There’s not much of interest…. or is there? Jump through the protruding wall near the door and into the wall and navigate around into you find Curl’y Underwear.
So… what’s the point? There is none. They were put in as a joke, so congrats on getting them! Now they’re stuck in your inventory for the rest of the game, you pervert. We can only imagine how Curly reacted…….

Thankfully, with the release of the WiiWare version, finding them panties unlocks you a new mode called “Curly Story”, which is essentially the same game but with Curly at the lead instead of Quote. I guess you could say it was…. Quote unquote?

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