Wednesday, December 30, 2015

What Do I Want to Happen Next Year?

So, this year's been incredible.. but where do I go from here?
Well, I hope that I have a general idea of what next year should look like.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

INTERVIEW: Marc Lovallo on His First Big Year

Marc Lovallo, otherwise known on Youtube as SuperSmash3DS, is a guy of many talents. He reviews games, he remixes music, he does voice work, and he's directing Eddsworld: The Movie, a fan movie project based on, well, Eddsworld. (I mean, it's in the title.)
Over the past year, he's been going through the entire main Mario series- from Super Mario Bros. to Super Mario 3D World (and Captain Toad)- reviewing each one. Now that he's done with all of that, I decided the interview him and reflect upon the year as well as his future endeavors.
First of all, to those who don't know, who exactly are you?
I'm Mark. I do game reviews on my Youtube channel, and I also do some music and voice work.
What inspired you to make videos, do voicework, and compose remixes?
I didn't always want to do game reviews. It's just something that kind of happened. For game reviews I was mainly inspired by SomecallmeJohnny and most of the people from Hidden Block and Normal Boots. I got into voice acting because I love doing voices, and I was inspired by real famous voice actors like Mel Blanc and the Simpsons actors. I started doing remixes of music because I always thought it was cool to hear video game music in a different way.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Personal List: Top 5 Underrated Super Mario Galaxies

Hey all!
Before I delve into this, I just wanted to say that I reached 7000 views today... that's a pretty nice early Christmas present! I'm not in this for the views or anything like that, but the fact that this measly 'site' has been viewed 7000 times is remarkable.
Secondly! I'm not sure if I will be able to get an interview this month. It's probably because I didn't plan it out well enough considering that almost everybody I wanted to interview is on Christmas vacation. Perhaps it's because the people I've chosen are hard to be humble with. Perhaps it's because nobody actually likes me. (a solemn manly tear rolls down my face.) Regardless, it ain't lookin' too hot.
In addition, next month's also looking iffy because I have something kind of big planned- for each day I'm going to write about one of my favorite videos of 2015. That's 31 articles in one month! As such, I think it would be weird to have someone sandwiched in the middle of that avalanche of non-gaming content, but February should definitely have something fun!
If you couldn't already tell, I love me some Super Mario Galaxy 2 (and 1, to be completely fair). I mean, I've already written about it twice prior. In the first article, I talked about the hardest galaxies (in the first game), a list that I've come to loathe a fair amount. The second, arguably much better, article on why I replay games even went on to reflect my biases over why I preferred Super Mario Galaxy 2, a topic that I'm sure will be tackled again and again later down the line.
Now, what galaxies do I love but seem to be overshadowed by, well, the fan favorites? Here are ten.
5. Sky Station Galaxy, NOT Yoshi Star Galaxy
I've always had a soft spot for the first galaxy in the game. It's simple, yes, but that't the point. It caters to both those who don't quite understand the mechanics and those who've already mastered them. It's welcoming to new players in the sense that it's wholly linear and presents small aspects of the game into one level; the first galaxy is harmless, the second is safe but with a handful of gaps, the third involves some relatively 'challenging; platforming, and it ends with an easy boss battle.
In addition, the whole galaxy is aided by some downright beautiful music.
Then there's Yoshi Star Galaxy.
Don't get me wrong, it's a fun galaxy, and it's fairly pretty, but I feel as if the only reason people remember it so fondly is the return of Yoshi, in 3D after eight long years! In addition, the music, while still infectiously catchy, doesn't display the same orchestral sensibilities. What does that mean? I don't know, but it just doesn't do it for me like Sky Station Galaxy's does.

Friday, December 18, 2015

Year Round Up: Version 1.1

So last year I went through the best and worst posts of the year. Y'know, like a kind of guide so you don't have to wallow through any of the filth.
Well, I'm doing it again.
10. Cream a La Crap: The Five Great Games That Mystified The Internet in 2014
Date Posted: January 19th, 2015
Oh sorry, was my bias showing a little too much? Probably.
While the opinions surrounding the post can be considered pretty, uh, critical, I like the post in that it kicked off the new year with a new "feel."
I think it's the best representation of a newer style emerging which has since carried over to present day. It feels more distinctly mature despite the abundance of blatant aggression at the titles (which I realize now could've been dialed down a little.) To be fair, though, most of those games deserved it. I'm lookin' at you, Meme Runner.
9. I Made my First Video on GoAnimate. Here's How it Went.
November 11th, 2015
A strange article, indeed. Hot off the heels of a strong streak of winning articles was a bizarre entry where I forged my first video for the Youtubes... in the form of an awful GoAnimate video.
Having never done anything of the sort, I thought it would be funny to soil a large milestone in my Internet career- making a video- on the world's most polarizing computer software.
The end result was... interesting? I tried to hit up the absurdity of the features of GoAnimate, including the ability to ride a bike stagnantly and fly off whilst eating a bento box, and constructing a meodramatic drama with the joke being in the monotone robotic voices, but the end result was a strange beast. It sounded like a drunken sailor's free-style rap session.
Still, for some reason, I kinda like it. It was an absurd failure but I found it rewarding even though less than five people actually took the test of watching the finished work.

8. What? It's Over? The 12 Worst Boss Fights in Gaming
One of two lists posted this year, it was by far the better one. It was a ton of work, going in without any idea of what I was going to put, but the end result was worth the effort.
I was especially wary of making a unique list without much reference to more established lists of bad bosses (note the lack of Negative Man), and for the most part, the list is astonishingly unique. Most of the entries were largely unexplored territory so that instead of being the tired "THESE ENEMIES R DUMM" entry in had its own legs.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

A Thought to Chew: Why Do We Replay Games?

At first I though that I would create a two-part double whammy with another article entitled, "Why Do We Play Games?", but, y'know, everyone's done that already.
So instead, why do we replay video games? Or at the very least, why do I? What is the point?
Completing a video game always feels like a personal victory; it fills you with an internal efficacy I can only describe as excitement or pride. It doesn't necessarily stem from overcoming a challenge, as not all games are on the same difficulty caliber, but rather just the fact that you finished something. Regardless of what you do or watch, finishing it is almost always the best part, and you can leave it with a hopefully different mindset than before you began it.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

INTERVIEW: The 8-Bit Artist on Painting Pixels

Chris "Eightbit" Olian has been making his rounds for the past 10 years. He's been featured in Nintendo Power, on Kotaku, and is in the upcoming documentary, Console Wars.
So what does he do?
He creates art, with painstaking dedication, out of pixels with acrylic paint. Yes, every canvas, with sizes ranging from 8x8 to 9 FEET LONG, is created by hand.
How does he do it? Well, that's why I interviewed him, so without further hesitation, here's what he had to say:
First of all, who are you?
My name is the 8-Bit Artist and I have been doing pixel paintings for over 10 years now.
What video games did you play in your childhood and how did they influence you? 
My childhood was the NES and SNES. I had some exposure with the Genesis since my neighbor had one, but I was never that big into their game library. I probably played Final Fantasy 3(6), A Link to the Past and Mega Man 2 the most. I can't really pinpoint their exact influence on me, but they obviously had a big impact on my childhood and I have quite the NEStalgia for the old games.
What are your favorite and least favorite video games? Which ones left the most lasting impact?
My favorite games are probably the same 3 I listed as the most played. On my old FF3 cart, I maxed out the clock and the steps taken. That just goes to show how much time I put into that cart. I always admired the intricate sprite work in the Final Fantasy SNES games. I probably played and beaten A Link to the Past the most. As for my least favorite game, I vividly remember renting the SNES game Rise of the Robots and thinking it was the worst SNES game I had ever played. I think that fighting game is worse than Shaq Fu.

Friday, November 20, 2015

A Thought to Chew: Why Animal Crossing: Amiibo Festival is Mediocre

I like doing this little articles for mastication because they aren't hefty. Those lists, while great, take an exceptionally long time and I'm not even close to a point where a couple hours of work will pay off. I mean, I genuinely expected a little more than four views on my last list, while my other "A Thought to Chew" articles have fared pretty well. The last Animal Crossing one, despite a hacky otaku preach (which was tacked on there for some reason) making me want to disown it at points, has almost 100 views which, considering the small size of this blog, is actually really well.
I don't do this for views and I don't do this for money. There's no ad-support on this entire thing and there will never be. I just feel that these articles are a great way to express my opinion while serving as a reminder that yes, I am alive.
With that out of the way (I'm noticing a pattern of tacking things onto articles), let's talk about the game that nobody on the Internet seems to like.
No, it's not Ethnic Cleansing, unfortunately. It's Animal Crossing: amiibo Festival, lovingly dubbed amiibo hell.

Friday, November 13, 2015

Personal List: 6 Curious Cases of Game Developers/People in Games (THE RECKONING)

So a long time ago I posted an article on game developers in video games, and a few moments later found a list of more appearences that I didn't post. So... here are those entries... I guess... I love using ellipses... They make writing look...
Also, I haven't made a list since, uh, this one from nine months ago, so it might take a while to readjust. The thing is that lists either do really well or do nothing at all. I mean, my second most-viewed post (for now....?) was a list, but it's all so niche and dependent on hopping on the proper bandwagon at the right time. It's just a mess, but what the heck! I found all the information I needed, so now I just have to make it like a metaphorical meatloaf.

King's Quest IV (1988) - <get beamed
King's Quest is famous in that it's a fine example of an early video game that isn't afraid to take itself too seriously. Also the box art is amazing. Because what better way to prepare you for an adventure than Reese Wtherspoon on a unicron being chased by vampires(?)?! Nevertheless, I digress.
After defeating some witch called Lolotte (I never played the game. Y'know, if you couldn't tell.), take a trip over to the prison cell and type the command "beam me". What follows is a half-second of epilepsy before you get phased into a secret room full of the developers, with introductions to each of the people who programmed the game, "and then some." My personal favorite is Jim Heintz, who "just wanted to be in this room." (Look, Jim, we can't always get everything we want.) After the brief introductions, we can engage in a surreal conversation about bowling alleys and ogres walking up walls. Just typical banter, really.
Also there are computers and hamburgers flying outside the windows. It's not relevant, but it would be a crime not to write that sentence without context.

Saturday, October 31, 2015

INTERVIEW: A Conversation on 'Horror Towns' with the Creator of Hitokui

Well, it's that time of the year again. Y'know, Halloween! The second-most commercialized holiday of the year where all we do is waste money! In case you haven't noticed, quite frankly, I don't care for it. HOWEVER! If there's one thing i do apreciate, it's the fine art of creating a so-called 'horror town' in Animal Crossing.
For those who don't know, a 'horror town' is a village that can be best-described as the equivalent of a haunted house. However, what makes them so interesting is their intentional ambiguity and how they allow you to form your own story around them, let alone the fact that they made something scary out of a simple game like Animal Crossing: New Leaf.
Thus, I decided to try something new. I decided to find the creator of one of these 'horror towns' and interview them to get a better picture, and here we are.
Hitokui, lovingly referred to as "the cannibal town", is one of the best-known horror towns, going head-to-head with the first one created, Aika. (Which, by the way, was deemed less scary than Hitokui in a survey, winning with the simple assertion that "Hitokui got blood!!! D:") Instead of presenting you with completely disconnected links, it gives you all that you need to know but in a way that isn't straight-to-the-point. What starts as a simple restaurant ends with a testing facility in the back or a dungeon in the basement. Bizarre signs are spread throughout; broken gutters, glaring red eyes, bloodied handprints, and the gory outline of a body in a bed.
So.... what's this place all about? Well, let's hop right into it.
NOTE: This interview is a little different in that it is the first, and probably not the last, foreign-language interview I've done. Thus, I have provided the original Japanese as well, so if you can read it, it'll probably say something a little different. (If there are any glaring mistakes, email me!) Also, it's a little on the short side, but I still appreciate it!
So, for those who don't know, who are you?
I am the person who created Hitokui Village. [I work for] middle management.
What are your favorite and least favorite video games?
I have so many favorite games! Fatal Frame, Splatterhouse... and I of course like Animal Crossing!
Since it is difficult to hate a game, [though,] no comment!
When did you start playing Animal Crossing? Why?
I've played it since I was a child, [and I thought it was interesting] because I saw it was something the whole family could enjoy.
Why do you think that Animal Crossing as a series has been so successful?
Various [reasons]. I think because the game is [simply] enjoyable [and both] an adult and a child can play [it].

Monday, October 26, 2015

October Update

Yikes, I haven't posted in over a month. Looks like it's about time I should fix that.
First of all, high school is in full throttle, so it's become a lot harder to push out some form of content of a decent quality. I think that it's at least better to create something that is entertaining and well-written rather than, y'know, this. Just.... just don't click on that. It's awful.
Secondly, I HIT 6000 VIEWS! I honestly don't know why people look at this stuff; it blows my mind that I get to work with some awesome people almost every month and that I'm noticed by even a handful of people. I mean, to most people it sounds like jack-diddly-squat (sorry), but I'm just some kid in North Carolina sitting in his room writing stuff, and people around the world have noticed it.
Thirdly, I assure you that STUFF IS COMING. I am currently working on a new interview that I can assure you has never been done before. Like seriously, I'm trying to break new ice. It will hopefully be out by Halloween, but because time zones in Japan are a tricky beast, that's really only a hope. (Plus, I have to work through what Google Translate pushes out, some garbled English, and make it understandable.)
If all works out, I hope to have an interesting line-up for the rest of the year as well, and will hopefully tag on an artist and another musician by the year's end, so fingers are crossed.
I also recently found an interview from a couple of months ago that I forgot to publish, so if it's a slow month, I'll definitely try to put that one forward.
Lastly, if you want updates on my work, bad jokes, and disses on South Carolina, follow me on El Twittero and send me a Tweet on how bad my faux-Spanish is.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

A Thought to Chew: On Amiibos, From a Guy Who Owns One

Upside-down Pikachu. Starting bid: $650000
Amiibos (Amiiboes? Amiiben? Amiibo?) are something that I've never quite understood. I get the purpose and the functionality, but I don't understand the Amiibogeddon, and here's why I guess.
In case you've been living under a rock for the past two years, and I can't blame you considering the economy (HEY-O! MLG AIRHORNS), Amiibo (I'll stick with that) are essentially physical DLC: they take the form of action figures with an NFC chip which, when placed on the Wii U gamepad, unlocks a feature, such as a new costume or exclusive levels.
NOT THAT ANY OF YOU KNEW THAT BECAUSE NOBODY USES THEM. The culture is weird. Some people will say "Oh, but it's okay to keep action figures in boxes?" but herein lies The Thing: action figures are explicitly decoration and made as collectibles. Amiibo actually serve a purpose and are  manufactured as such to be used, so why not use them?
For one thing, they've become so coveted that they aren't toys anymore. "What, you can use them? F*ck that, throw that out the damn window, I waited TWO HOURS to get this god-forsaken Jigglypuff and I ain't doing jack-diddly-squat!" or whatever the hip kids say. I wouldn't know.
I mean, remember this guy? Flawed logic aside (HE WANTS NINTENDO TO STOP BUT IS LITERALLY GIVING NINTENDO A BUTTLOAD OF MONEY. JESUS CHRIST.), the whole collecting thing is surreal as heck. Suddenly, Amiibos disappear of online shelves two minutes after being released. People wait in line for hours at a store that's only given a stock of seven. An Amiibo manufactured incorrectly sells for hundreds, perhaps thousands. Furthermore, Nintendo apologizes about all of the inconveniences and insanity yet does little to remedy to situation.
So, as a kind of letter to Nintendo, I'l try to explain what to do.
To the Stores: Make a Buying Limit
This is Joe. He stockpiles all the Amiibo of a certain kind and sells them on Ebay for triple the price. Most people would refer to him as a "scalper." I refer to him as a "mistake."
YOU SEEIN' THIS?! Are you seeing the issue here?!
NOBODY SHOULD EVER use a dining room table to advertise items for sale, the lighting is terrible, the angle is poor, and the composition is asymmetrical. Oh yeah, and also THAT"S WAY TOO MANY. If you want to curb the sales of Amiibo so more people can enjoy them, limit the amount per customer before Swaggy McDouchealot prances in and takes all of them. Even though some places practice it, it needs to be completely widespread because this? This is a physical representation of sinning.

Make Adjustments to the Packaging
You know the concept of "glory holes"? What if the same was applied to Amiibo? If there was a hole in the bottom which would allow the Amiibo to be stamped onto the gamepad WITHOUT removing the packaging, people would actually be able to experience them how they're supposed to be experienced.
Amiibo Cards
A fair while back, during a Nintendo Direct in February, Iwata stated that there were plans to make "Amiibo cards" to combat the painful Amiibogeddon; while the initial idea of Smash Bros. cards is still hazy, Animal Crossing: HHA is the first to follow through with the concept. Well....
It's not working too great, at least not in Japan. The same issue arises: scalping is poison. It's a step in the right direction, but it's still not working out too great. Again, a buying limit would be useful, as would increased stock. The whole idea is that making more is cheaper and easier to distribute and that they would have less collectability than the more physical figures, but NOPE. The same issue arises. By Friday, at least we'll see how America fares with them, but I'm pretty sure it'll be ten times as bad as Japan.

There's probably more, but I'll end it as such: Amiibos are not something that Nintendo can continue to shrug about and do nothing. If they want people like me to start buying more, they have to get their act together and work towards changing their policies for the better of the majority.

Friday, September 11, 2015

INTERVIEW: ChaseFace Talks Sonic and Ironic Body Pillows

This is Chase. If you've heard of him, chances are it's through his popular "Sonic: What Happened?" Series, which has gone on to amass hundreds of thousands of views on Youtube. He's also a voice actor who's provided his voice to such as CHANGE and more recently and Wasted, a game created by Adult Swim. He also allegedly has a nice ass.
A man after my own heart.
I was lucky enough to get any interview with him, so without and further ado, here is the reason you're here:
So... Who are you?
I'm a 25-year-old geek who majored in I/O Psych in college! I'm a bit of a introvert who never went to many college parties but somehow had a lot of friends anyway, and if I didn't go into this I wanted to be a human relations manager, clinical therapist or a massage therapist while doing voiceover on the side. Otherwise I listen to a lot of electronic music and play a lot of computer games, but not so much these days since I'm trying to stay busy with work.
What video games did you play growing up, and how did they influence you?
I played whatever my parents bought us and whatever my brother/friends wanted to pick up, so I've played almost every kind of video game. I've always loved RPGs and Adventure/Platform/Action games, but I have a soft spot for Puzzle and Racing games. I'm not into RTS games, but that's about my only dislike. Otherwise, I'm big into games with good music!
What's your absolute favorite video game?
That's a tough one. I'm a really big fan of Final Fantasy 6 and 9, but Resident Evil 3 and the REmake; they're all just really near and dear to my heart. Mischief Makers and Mystical Ninja on the N64 were huge for me, and I loved Pokemon Blue and Silver growing up. I really can't choose one or even 10, but I can say that I have an enormous passion for Japanese-developed games, although I still love a lot about American made ones like Doom, Duke Nukem, and lots of other modern titles, too, but I grew up playing Japanese games with feudal themes and cool Asian mythology and it just captivated me from a really early age.
Likewise, what video game has most made you want to light a basket of puppies on fire?
The only one that immediately comes to mind is The Evil Within. It was an abomination of a game to the Survival Horror genre that just straight-up misled player expectations. For example, you could sprint for 3 seconds before your character would kneel over and try to catch his breath, but you could eventually upgrade to a maximum of, I think 10 seconds. But this protagonist was a fit, young dude, so there's no reason he should have to upgrade his stamina. Similarly, they introduced weapon sway and long reload times so you could upgrade them to normal levels, making the gun more stable and the reload time more realistic. It was decently creepy at times but I found myself understanding exactly how the game worked, which is the last thing you want to do in a horror game. Just a big squandered opportunity. I was gonna do a video on how bad it was but decided I didn't care enough, and then I lost all the footage, and I'm not playing through that whole game again, haha. They basically made the same mistake they made with Resident Evil 6, where they hype it up to be super terrifying but it ended up being really action-y with a lot of gore, and not necessarily scary gore.
Why did you decide to pick Youtube as a medium?
Mid/late 2013 was when I started buying capture cards and various video/audio cables because I knew I wanted to do something I was passionate about, and early 2014 was when I invested in a ton of external hard drives, because I'm a total digital hoarder and I don't wanna lose any of my music/sfx/footage. I was blown away by how Outlast made me feel terror in a whole new way, and I made my video on it explaining why I loved it. Then one day ProJared made a Facebook post explaining how he probably watches the same channels as us, and I decided to pitch my channel to him because, well, why not? I just said "Hey, I only made one video but I'd love to hear your feedback on it."

Sunday, August 30, 2015

A Thought to Chew: Why Yoshi's Island DS WASN'T Awful

Recently, other than Animal Crossing: New Leaf, I've been playing a fair amount of Yoshi's Island DS.
Unfortunately, to most, it sounds like more of a punishment than anything else. Seriously, five minutes on Youtube has reminded me how many people hate this game. It's like the Metroid Prime: Federation Force of 2006. (obligatory airhorns)
Don't get me wrong, the critical reception was more often than not positive. It's listed as one of the best 50 DS games by Gamesradar and has sold almost 3 million copies worldwide, but for some reason everyone else thinks the game is about as great as a dumpster in the bad side of Queens.
I feel like the most polarizing aspect comes from the fact that it's the sequel to Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island, frequently heralded as a classic, and that's not without good reason: at the time, it was innovative as heck. In an era where video games were approaching the awkward teenage years, it was nice to be provided with such a massive display of eye candy, let alone the memorable music and solid platforming.
Then comes Yoshi's Island DS; the platforming is fairly strong (I'll get to that in a second), the music is admittedly mediocre at worst, and the game provides just as many colorful spectacles as before.
Yet everybody hated it.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

INTERVIEW: BadMiiversePosts Thinks Your Grammar Sucks

First, I'll preface this article with something extremely unrelated. For me, school's about to pick up again, so expect a little less posting. There could be months with five articles or no articles at all. Hopefully there will be some kind of weekly basis at which they will be posted, but probably not.
Also, this is my first interview in almost a year. Hopefully, there should be more order in the near future, but I will say that the next one is already ready, I just gotta package and post it.
Dan Switzer, while a name you probably don't recognize, is the powerhouse behind Bad Miiverse Posts, a magical Twitter where all Miiverse posts go to die. Highlighting some of the most absurd posts, nothing is sacred; everyone from intense meninists to conspiracy theorists to children with a bad family life is represented magnificentally. (Quite frankly, for every decent one, there's an "Expanded Dong" to ruin it all, and it's wonderful.)
Enough dilly-dallying, though, let's just get to the interview already!

First off, to the people who have no idea, who are you?
Well, I'm Daniel Switzer, a student of Journalism at The University of Winchester, and in my free time, freelance video-game journalist. 
You've done  a lot of journalism with the likes of Nintendo Enthusiast and PushStartPlay. What's all of that been like?
Working for NintendoEnthusiast and PushStartPlay was great and good fun! The former actually scouted me out to write some humour for their site, which I dabbled with but eventually didn't work out, in my opinion at least. It was a great opportunity and any experience is good experience. Plus, they compensated me, so that's always nice. I wrote for PushStartPlay for roughly a year, and that gave me plenty of experience writing news, features, game reviews and so on. I don't tend to stick around once place for too long, I need to continually change my surroundings and pace.
What is your favorite video game?
My favourite video-game is the GameCube's Metroid Prime. Retro Studios did such an amazing job translating that series from 2D to 3D. The levels and enemy designs, soundtrack (Phendrana Drifts anyone?) and so much more. In fact, the entire Prime Trilogy is probably in my top 10. Tetris is a close second though.
In a similar vein, what video game made you most want to kill yourself?The game that has made me want to physically hurt myself is I Wanna Be The Guy, just out of sheer frustration as opposed to it be terrible. I got a few levels in but couldn't finish it. I watch streamers play all the time, it's a great title.

E3's come and gone. What upcoming games are you most hyped for? 

Metal Gear Solid V and Fallout 4 are the games I'm most hyped for, but there's also things like  the Xbox One BC I'm loving, as well as Rare Replay. Nintendo's showing wasn't too great this year, but I'm still playing catch-up on my 3DS, currently going through Mario & Luigi: Dream Team [Bros]. 
What pushed you to create BadMiiversePosts?
I believe it was when the Super Metroid community first went up, lots of players, specifically younger ones, were getting stuck in the exact same place and I thought it was funny, so I decided to start BadMiiversePosts.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Sonic Showdown: Eggman v. Amy

After a few weeks, the Sonic Team finally decided to throw a curveball by duking out two more familiar faces instead of making it a quick, pointless toss-up. (Even though this contest is kind of pointless anyway, Shhh.)
On one hand is Amy Rose, best known for her appearences in Sonic CD, Sonic Adventure, and, of course, the thousands upon thousands of poorly-written fanfiction. The extant of her prescence online is unsurprising though, especially considering that things like this horrifyingly grotesque mess exists. Just... just don't touch that, okay? I'm still ashamed.
Aming her other pros is a rather on-fleek eyelash game which, while not eyebrows, surely has the Internet won over.
She also has a hammer, which I assume only exists for solely innuendous purposes, so yeah, that's a thing? Yes, I know, I am the John Milton of eloquent fake-journalism.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Dissecting the Sonic Showdown: Silver v. Cream

The third round is yet again following the boring idea of taking a good (or in this case, half-baked) character and putting it next to a character that can hardly be identified as a "character" and moreso as a piece of background.
Besides sounding like some bizarre mid-20th century barbershop treatment ("Dahling, would you like ya hair silver or creamed?"), there isn't really much to say.
Both characters are, quite frankly, about as usable as the congealed fat stuck to the bottom of a tin of Spam.
Cream is a rabbit who does absolutely nothing. According to the Wiki, her likes are "TV" and "playing make-believe" and her dislikes are "Others being sad" and "Scary people". Geez, Sonic Team, you're really breaking some new ground, ain'tcha? In addition, the first catchphrase listed in the quotes section is "Please, take it easy on me!" She also has a sidekick named "Cheese".
Because comedy.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Dissecting the Sonic Showdown: Big v. Chao

So I got a new computer and decided it was a good excuse to, y'know, avert doing essentially the only thing I do. I took some time to carefully examine a smattering of walls, but I suppose it's time to return.
Let's see here............ Hot dang.
I mean.... It's the Chao. Do you want a joke? The existence of Big the Cat is a joke in it of itself. You recruit the guy who voices Duke Nukem, and you make him portray a purple, bumbling idiot in pursuit of a frog whose biggest (HA!) contribution to the Sonic universe is making the other characters look halfway decent.
Sure, Chao doesn't do sh*t, but at least they aren't Big the godforsaken Cat.
The best part is the way that Sonic's PR guy talks of Big as the quote-unquote "epitome of character depth, growth, and valiance in a Sonic game." Quite frankly, his only growth is in the rotund state of his belly.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Dissecting the Sonic Showdown: Tails v. Jet

So, if you're following Sonic's official Twitter page (which, in all honesty, you should be. It's like the dankest thing ever), you'll notice they're doing a thing where they figure out what the best character is.
My favorite comment response to this is the eloquently written: "does the loser get retconned out of existence?", followed immediately by the even more delightfully put: "CATCH ME IF U CAN FGT".
The whole thing is basically a Superbowl bracket of Sonic characters. To those of you who don't know what a "Superbowl" or a "bracket" is, consider yourself lucky.
The first round involves a showdown between Miles "Tails" Prower and Jet the Hawk (?). I decided that I would break down which should win, but let's be fair, it's pretty obvious.

Monday, August 10, 2015

The Europe-Centric Conundrum

In May of last year, I blew off some steam regarding the late Club Nintendo's lack of rewards in the US, specifically pinpointing music CDs.
Unfortunately, it would appear that Nintendo of America wasn't one of the seven people to view the weakly-articulated post, however, because the same issue is happening again, but it hits a lot closer to home.
The Super Mario Maker bundle. It's basically the same as the regular Super Mario Maker, but with a super-exclusive 8-bit Classic Mario Amiibo.
Let me preface this article by saying my Amiibo game is completely not on fleek. I only have a Toad Amiibo and don't have the money to shell out on them, but this one in particular caught my eye.
Then, I found out that this pack has, so far, only been avaliable for preorder in Europe.

Notice to all EU Readers

I have been given notice that it is required by law to give information about cookies for my blog to users within the European Union.
Here are some general knowledge points.

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 stick unsalted butter, softened
2 cups sugar
2 eggs
1 (15-ounce) container whole milk ricotta cheese
3 tablespoons lemon juice
1 lemon, zested

1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
3 tablespoons lemon juice
1 lemon, zested
Watch how to make this recipe
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.


In a medium bowl combine the flour, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.

In the large bowl combine the butter and the sugar. Using an electric mixer beat the butter and sugar until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add the eggs, 1 at a time, beating until incorporated. Add the ricotta cheese, lemon juice, and lemon zest. Beat to combine. Stir in the dry ingredients.

Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper. Spoon the dough (about 2 tablespoons for each cookie) onto the baking sheets. Bake for 15 minutes, until slightly golden at the edges. Remove from the oven and let the cookies rest on the baking sheet for 20 minutes.


Combine the powdered sugar, lemon juice, and lemon zest in a small bowl and stir until smooth. Spoon about 1/2-teaspoon onto each cookie and use the back of the spoon to gently spread. Let the glaze harden for about 2 hours. Pack the cookies into a decorative container.

Recipe courtesy of Giada De Laurentiis

A Thought to Chew: The Priority Conundrum

Before I delve into this article, I would like to apologize. To the few people who actively follow me, I was away for a week without a computer, hopping around the country for my brother's college tours. I didn't have a computer, and thus I didn't post anything. Oh yeah, and before you ask, yes, going without a computer for a full week is as terrifyingly barbaric as it sounds.
Within the next few days, I WILL be posting a new interview and hopefully some more stuff. I apologize for the inconsistencies, but on to the article at hand!
Two days ago, while coming back home from a day of hopping airports, I was playing some late-night Animal Crossing. Nothing new, really. You've heard my constant obsession with Animal Crossing a few times too many.
I was walking around as per usual, talking to my villagers. Then, I got a request from Angus, otherwise known as the guy I frequently send frequent letters to, all of which ask for his permission to eat him. Usually, I get normal-ish requests along the lines of "I need new furniture!" or "Catch me a crappy fish that would take me literally five seconds but I'm too lazy, so here's a lame shirt!,", but Angus thre me a curveball. He wanted me to bring him a Goliath Beetle, aka a relatively hard-to-obtain bug found rarely on palm trees. I agreed.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Tumblr Repost #4: Two Gameboy Peripherals You Never Knew Existed

This is the last of the Tumblr posts and is around the area that I made the epiphany that I was getting nowhere on Tumblr. As such, it's kind of a bittersweet farewell for me, as I no longer have the ability to copy-and-paste old articles without having to make something new. (JK........ almost.)
Once again, it suffers from being ridiculously short. Most of the posts were kind of like Diet Coke. They were inferior versions of the original and they were hard to swallow. Also, Diet Coke tastes like toothpaste buried underground for three months. Just..... just thought that was worth noting.
And what does that have to do with the article? Absolutely nothing!
Stop asking questions.
Regardless, may I introduce the last of my regrets, or at the very least, one of the thousands that will come. How comforting!
Unless you lived under a rock for a couple of years, you would know that the GameBoy had some wacky peripherals. Some of the most well-known include the GameBoy Camera (Run!), GameBoy Printer, and e-Reader for the GBA. However, there were a couple that thrived in obscurity, and are now worth a fortune; without further ado, here’s a select two that nobody ever knew about.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

That's My 2 Cents: Two Times Colonel Sanders Appeared in Video Games

Colonel Sanders. Arguably the most famous person to ever be featured on a bucket of fried chicken, he's become an icon in the world of fast food. Naturally, he's also appeared in video games.
Considering that Pepsi and Coca-Cola made completely necessary video games that weren't at all a waste of human potential, gaming visionaries decided that the next big face of gaming was a goatee-clad curmudgeon from somewhere in Kentucky. After all, nothing says good marketing like an old man in a white suit!
Trio the Punch (1990)
Trio the Punch is a strange beast, known prominently for this fact that it appeared in an episode of the G-Files as well as having the greatest box art ever. Those two guys..... Just look at them go.......(?)
The whole game is a parody experience which, considering the fact that it's from Japan, shouldn't be all that surprising. What IS surprising, though, is the colorful and bizarre cast of characters and enemies.
Are spike-clad turtles and walking shiitakes a little too boring? How about a sheep made of cotton candy shooting out miniature sheep heads or giant cyan feet jumping all over the place like professional league hopscotch? Lastly, of course, there's Colonel Sanders, doing what he does best; bouncing all over the place like a pogo stick on ecstasy.

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

A Thought to Chew: The Death of Iwata and a Look Into the Future

On June 11th, tragedy struck as Satoru Iwata, president of Nintendo, gave his last breath.
The man was a legend. He breathed life into every project he worked on. He helped create Mother. He helped compress Pokemon Gold and Silver to half its size to fit in the Kanto region. He singlehandedly ported Pokemon Stadium's battle system in under a week without a reference to look off of.
He did more than just games to keep Nintendo afloat. He refused to go into battle with Sony and Microsoft, focusing more on consumer relationships than the console battlefield. He cut his pay drastically following the shortcomings of the Wii U sales so nobody else on his team would have to do the same. Most importantly, though, he kept the childlike wonder of Nintendo alive. He was unafraid to make jokes at his own expense, and even though we never knew him, he allowed us to feel close to him.
His death caused a hiccup, to say the least. he joins martyrs of the gaming industry, and alongside the late Gunpei Yokoi, helped to define an era. There will be an empty imprint for the years to come, left unfilled by the man, and while his charisma may be gone, we have to move on.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

A Thought to Chew: Why I Enjoyed Paper Mario: Sticker Star

A while back, I posted an article regarding why I love Super Paper Mario, frequently regarded as the black sheep of the series. Then, of course, there was the other one: Paper Mario: Sticker Star. I think that at one point I foreshadowed doing this, but I didn't look at the post, but with the Mario & Luigi: Paper Jam, which looks absolutely amazing, I decided to knock it off my bucket list.
At some point, in the hazy months of 2013, when the blog was unsurprisingly underdeveloped (even though it still is), I started a tiny review which I never finished. You can find it in the terrible "Video Game Reviews (Kinda Defunct)" section which I won't link to because it's absolutely awful. It was extremely half-baked, but one of the few things I wrote was as follows: "Everybody's all like 'This game sucks. Set on fire,' which I just don't get. It may suffer in comparison to Thousand Year Door, and may not be as original as the first in the series, but when you push the legacy of its family aside, it's a great game. Those games are amazing, but they overshadow Sticker Star and makes it look like dirt." Even though I hate practically everything I wrote two years ago, it carries some semblance of what  I still think.
 You see, back in the heydays of the 2000s, Paper Mario was a completely fresh and innovative concept. Take Mario, flatten him out, and change the environments into paper. Yes, I know, it's a complete shocker. I'm willing to bet you had no freaking idea based on the title, but as I say at least twenty times per post, I digress. They were built up similarly to Super Mario RPG, frequently heralded as one of the best Mario games, and for good reason. Typically, taking video game franchises and making spin-offs resulted in disasters. Whoever wanted to learn how to use a crossbow with Link or talk to Pikachu, a creature who is inevitably so braindead that the voice detection is about as bad as subway announcements? Okay, so admittedly crossbow lessons with the hero of Hyrule would be pretty awesome, but with a plastic stick? Ehhhh, no thanks.
Mario, however, pulled it off, and while this can be partially attributed to the fact that it was made by the jolly folks at Squaresoft, the entirety of the franchise simply clicked into the new style. Paper Mario is essentially a sequel but made of paper, so it was a complete success, and the first two installments are frequently handled with the highest of regards. 

Monday, June 15, 2015

A Thought to Chew: Why Animal Crossing: Happy Home Designer will be Amazing

Animal Crossing has been a surprisingly common fixture in my blog. Seriously, IT'S BEEN FREAKING EVERYWHERE. (The worst part is that 75% of those posts are from the earlier days of this blog. Oooh, goosebumps all around.) Even worse, they've all been centered on the same game: Animal Crossing: New Leaf, which in all fairness has probably been the greatest entry, but still. Something is surprisingly mesmerizing about doing things that you could literally be doing outside in the comfort of your own living room, chatting with the villagers, and freaking out when they reappear downtown. Seriously, Hazel still gives me nightmares.
But I'll save the mesmerizing nature of AC:NL for another time. The fifth entry to the Animal Crossing series is the one which I will masticate today (get your head out of the gutter, "masticate" is completely different), and it's by far the most interesting entry in the series.
One of the focal points of Animal Crossing is, well, DECORATING! YEAH! As dull as it sounds, designing your house, as well as your utopia, is one of the major proponents to why Animal Crossing works. It pushes forth an otaku viewpoint of collecting for collection's sake (see the great PBS Idea Channel video if you haven't already) and it works. Maybe it has to do with my extremely compulsive desire to complete things. In my opinion, they pretty much nailed this aspect of the game. You collect fish, bugs, fossils, deep-sea creatures, clothes, furniture, and cash money. There is no reward beyond internal efficacy, the nice, fuzzy feeling on the inside. Unlike other games where you might get an overwhelming feeling of frustration, you instead get an odd sense of pride. Sure, the game acknowledges your achievements with badges and equipment (or, in the case of the first game, a gigantic golden statue that would make Orwell take a run for his money), but the feeling of "YEAH!" is much greater than the actual reward in-game.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Tumblr Repost #3: Two Sexy Cat Games

The third of my four Tumblr posts was a bizarre tribute to "sexy cat games" for National Cat Day, which was apparently October 29th. As per most entries, the absurdity relies on our neighbors to the East and their bizarre games whilst taking repeated jabs at their odd albeit eccentrically impressive culture.
It's also probably the best of the Tumblr posts despite the fact that it's one of the most risqué things I've written besides my, err, fanfiction how-to guide, but that stone is probably best left unturned for the better of society.
What I find particularly odd about the entry is the abrupt, random ending to it. I guess I just assumed nobody would read it anyway or that getting deep into it would result in my death. (It's most likely a combination of the two.)
Anyway, here it is.
As someone who has been to the mystical land of Japan, I can safely say that they love cats. Don’t believe me? Here’s a quick list to prove it:
-They have a cat that runs a train station.
They also have several video games involving cats. Unfortunately, a select few decided to take the creepy route, hence this list was created. So, to celebrate National Cat Day, I apologize.

Sunday, June 7, 2015

His First Post: Long Arms

A while back, I teased about making a series on Youtube creator's first videos, and after what I can only assume is months, it's finally happening. I decided to ask my good-ish buddy Marc about his first video, as he alluded to it in the interview from last June (PLUG! PLUG! PLUG!), and a few exchanges later, I managed to get ahold of his earliest two videos, both of which were.... interesting, to say the least. (I'm not harshing your buzz, Marc, m'kay? I think we can both agree it was a rough time.) Also, sorry in advance for a lack of photos. Sure, it looks more like a college dissertation without pretty pictures everywhere, but hey, at least it's an AWESOME college dissertation, so stop complaining, my presumably angry readers!
[insert smooth segue into Marc's response]

My early moments into video creation stretch back several years. Lemme lay down some context, yo.

The year was 2008. One of the very few content creators I watched was The Angry Video Game Nerd. He was very much so an early inspiration, maybe not so much in characterization and personality, but more in the development of how the videos came along and transpired. He made the videos funny and entertaining, and that to me meant a lot. Being an entertainer alongside riffing on games that were generally considered to be awful was something undone and unseen at the time, and I think if you were to ask just about anybody they would say that James is the father of the modern video game reviewer. He had several years of uninterrupted stardom in his genre of filmmaking in the early days of YouTube, which was once again, a marvel.

Then came along the Nostalgia Critic. He had originally done a series of collaborations with the AVGN, ultimately leading up to a feigned slow motion battle royale between the two of them… and also a fellow called Captain S… but nobody cares about him anymore. Anyways, that was how I first saw the Nostalgia Critic and came across his website, ThatGuyWithTheGlasses (with the website domain now officially being registered as Channel Awesome).

Originally starting a YouTube channel, but then deciding to pull the plug on it due to several instances of copyright infringement (something that scarily mimics recent developments of YouTube), Doug Walker started his own website as a way to post his creations, and eventually added on additional content creators of different sorts, people who would review movies, comic books, anime, video games, music; you name it and it was probably on that website.

Seeing all of the nurturing talent on there struck some sort of inspiration I had never felt before. I was a freshman in college at the time, stranded in a dorm room with no kind of equipment or experience necessary to do anything in regards to content creation just quite yet. It wouldn’t be until the summer of 2009 when I was home from school (and had access to a camera and a computer that miraculously had Sony Vegas on it) that I would attempt at trying to make my own videos.

Saturday, June 6, 2015

Identifying Fake Paintings in AC:NL

I have a confession.
I love Animal Crossing:New Leaf, save the fact that I hardly ever play it.
The game is absolutely perfect in practically every sense imaginable, but for some reason, my mind thinks with such a tangential scope that I can't seem to focus on one single th-OH LOOK A SHOE!
Being a pretty big art buff, I love the fact that the game finally chose to make the counterfeit paintings that Crazy Redd sells easier to tell apart. So, for the heck of it, here's a look at all of the paintings that can be counterfeits and the way to tell them apart, because for some reason I decided it would be a good idea even though I'm willing to bet I was completely wrong.
(To Bidoof Crossing: Sorry for stealing all your images. I'm too lazy to take my own.)

Part I: The Boring Ones
The first few to bring up are the ones that are exceptionally boring. This can mean flipping an image as well as a variety of bogus changes that make it fairly uninteresting and uninspired. (IT ALSO MEANS THAT EFFING B-TARD FOOLED ME LIKE 20 TIMES BECAUSE IT PRACTICALLY LOOKS THE EXACT SAME. EFF YOU REDD, I HOPE YOU DIE IN A GASOLINE FIRE.)
For example, the one on the left is simply flipped. I also bought one of them, so I pray to the gods of Animal Crossing that Redd steps in a puddle with his socks on for proper vengeance because that guy's gotta pay. Seriously.

Friday, June 5, 2015

Tumblr Repost #2: The Two Times Pepsiman Showed Up in Video Games

Due to the frequent stagnation of the blog, I've decided to continue to dodge my intentions and do a second repost from the abandoned Tumblr disaster of '14. For some background on the Tumblr, click here. (It also has the first post which involved undergarments.) This is also one of the lists that I'm not a very big fan of if not for the fact that, to me, it feels like garbage. While the formula is intact, with poorly-made puns and a subject matter that was surely belched from a purgatory-esque dimension, the whole thing was just painul (in my opinion).
Now, after thoroughly making you think the post was complete crap, here it is!
PepsimanBeing a North Carolinian, one of the few things we have pride in is Pepsi. Now, I’m not gonna get dragged into a Coke vs. Pepsi hissyfit, but it’s fair to say that Pepsi is one of the more important soda brands.
It’s also probably the mot beloved American soda brand in Japan!
In fact, the Japanese made a handful of games about Pepsi using their mascot, the creatively-named Pepsiman. Who could forget him?
Uh….. a lot of people.
To paint you a picture, imagine if Slenderman (that dumb egg in a suit that everybody is scared of for some unknown reason this is a run-on sentence I apologize) was covered in aluminum foil and got a job as a Pepsi salesman. That’s what he is.
Anyway, Pepsiman was apparently popular enough to appear in two video games (of course, only in Japan folks!), so here they are.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

How to Write Fanfiction

FIRST! Some much-needed updates!
Interviews! Oh, BEAUTIFUL interviews! Great people! Wonderful people! COMING SOON!
Also, remember that idea about having someone talk about their first video? Yeah, THAT's coming!
Sorry for having as much consistency as month-old cottage cheese, but the school year's ending, and stuff's flying all over the place, so deal with it.
With all that out of the way..., FANFICTION! Whether a showcase of your artistry or a painfully long excuse to have your favorite characters do the deed, it's very....... existent.
Why does it exist? I do not know. I'm not a good guesser. ($500 to whoever gets this joke.) Still, everybody seems to love it. It seems as if every suburban housewife on this side of the Earth had their own coveted copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. Oh yeah, and did you know that it's a trilogy? IT'S A FREAKING TRILOGY. IT'S LITERALLY TWILIGHT FANFICTION.
If that schmut sells, than hot dang, you'll next novella on Sonic and Tails' rendezvous in bed will sell like hotcakes!
What's that? You can't even English? Don't worry! You and countless other 4-35 year-olds can't either, and it's not holding them back! You don't gotta know you're their's and they're's apart if you can tell the difference between a flogger and a lollygag! (Sorry, Mom.)
But wait! Zip back up your pants, you scoundrel! You don't even know the basics! We've got some territory to cover before you paint the town blue!
First, let's examine some types of fanfiction so you can figure out what works best for your artistic finesse:
Shared Universe Fanfiction
The most basic kind of fanfiction goes by the painfully self-explanatory name of "Shared Universe Fanfiction". Basically, you take two random characters and put them together. Here's a delightful, hand-written example from someone who has clearly never written fanfiction before but wants to look more cultured although his career will probably take a steady decline into becoming that weird guy online who rights about video game characters twisting and shouting.
Sonic waited in-line at the hotel. It was a dark night. The moon was bright with the vibrance of a thousand stars. Sonic sat by the window, cigarette balanced in his mouth his eyes reflecting the aforementioned full moon which for some reason is important. He didn't know what he was doing there. In fact, it was all a set-up for a painfully atrocious yet unexpected meet-up, and much to the expectations of the reader, it happened.
The doors creaked open behind him. "Room-a for a-two-a," Sonic heard. His ears perked up at the sound of a raspy, Italian voice. "Name, please?" said the person at the front desk. With a seductive glance towards Sonic, he whispered, "Mario and whoever wants to bunk-a with a-me."
Sonic turned his head. Mario stared straight at him. Their eyes met. They knew, at that very moment, that sparks would fly, and their lives would never be the same.

Wasn't that as sexy as a French dame in a silent movie circa 1925?  Of course, for more authenticity, try to mispell as many words as humanly possible for more dramatic effect because, let's face it, people who write fanfic usually have the typing capacity of Helen Keller. (Too soon?) For example, here is what a fragment of the above piece would actually look like if written with the aforementioned precision:
Sonci weighted in lien at teh holet it wuz a dark knighte. the Mewn was brite wtih teh vibrens ov a tousand starz
and so on, but I digress.

Friday, April 3, 2015

A Thought to Chew: Why Physical Trumps Digital Copies

At the dawn of gaming, there was no such thing as "downloadable content". If you wanted something, you bought it at the game store (or whatever they had in the '80s).
You see, games came in boxes that were themselves in boxes, sometimes in more boxes. There's a lot of boxes involved, I know. One box was called a "cartridge". The other was called a "container". Sometimes, they came in these things called "bundles". Foreign concepts, I know. If you're confused, just stop reading. It won't make sense to you.
What am I getting at? Video games have always been cartridges and CDs, and I want that tradition to keep going.
I'm what I like to call a "materialist". If I want something, it has to be something I can hold in my hands. It doesn't have any weight or meaning to me if I can't see it or feel it. That being said, I avoid digital downloads like the plague unless it's the only option.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

A Thought to Chew: Why Bubsy 3D is An Avant-Garde Masterpiece

Anytime I write one of these personal opinion posts, I start to really wonder who even cares. So... I decided to try to dig deeper in the lengthy trail of my subconscious, finding a little gem with the hated, obnoxious character of Bubsy. Oh, of all the characters I've seen, he's lampooned the most. I've already spent time typing out a weird post due to my opinions on him (which apparently is right here), but as the yeast of a loaf of bread rises, I feel so have I. For platformers I have undying love, and I thought I'd check out Bubsy oncemore.
Kidding aside, Bubsy isn't that bad. Even with all that I criticized it, I really think it's better than Mario.
You might be thinking, "Really?" but seriously, here me out. If you know anything about me, it's that I love cats. Bubsy? He's a cat. And that makes him hella-cool. It took Mario until 2013 to pick up a cat costume, but he was too late to the party for me to care. Check out this literal cool cat with his exclamation mark T-shirt, showing his edginess as he ends each sentence with such a harsh remark. BAM! BOOM! Exclamation marks, amirite?!  Then there's his lack of pants, showing his complete disregard for authority. Talk about a law-breaking MOFO.

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

A Thought to Chew: An Opinion on Cease-and-Desists

The video game world is one shrouded in a thick layer of copyright. Companies fear that indie developers could utilize their characters for personal monetary gain, a common practice int the heydays of the '90s, where companies around China and Russia created such endearing classics as Somari. Naturally, they make it their sole objective to take down the project.
This, of course, is a shame.
The first notable instance of a cease-and-desist was the destruction of perhaps the most lovely labor of love ever churned out by indie devs, going be the name of Chrono: Resurrection. The whole game was a 3-D remake of the beloved Chrono Trigger, set to be released on Christmas, 2004; unfortunately, the gift gamers received was disappointment, in the hands of Square no less. Fans released an entourage of anger and outcry, but alas, it was to no avail.
The game set the standard for other fangames to follow; a lovely game dramatically collapsing as a gaming company kicks it down.

Monday, March 30, 2015

A Thought to Chew: Why I Love Super Paper Mario (and You Should Too)

Mario is the undisputed king of Nintendo video games. He's sold the most games in all of gaming history, earned millions of fans, and almost singlehandedly saved the North American video game market after the likes of Pac-Man and E.T. tarnished it like a constipated cat taking a laxative. With success that beloved, there are bound to be spin-offs. Oh, how there are spin-offs.
Perhaps it's just me, but I never quite understood spin-offs. Don't get me wrong, there are hundreds of amazing ones that stand tall on their own, but there are the bad ones. Remember Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball? Sorry for putting the game back into your memory. It's the kind that just makes you wonder, "How the flying heck did they come up with this? What kind of hard drugs are you taking to make a crossbow shooting gallery with the hero of Hyrule?!"
The Paper Mario games are one such series.

Friday, March 27, 2015

A Thought to Chew: An Ode to Randomness in Gaming

Before diving in, let me preface this by saying.... sorry. If I were food, my shelf life would've expired two months ago. I'm terrible at committing to the blog, let alone the fact that school is picking up right now. Even in spite of the fact that it is spring break and that I have seven days away from school, they still had the decency to drown me in homework. There's nothing wrong with that, I suppose, but there also kind of is.
Anyway, I'll try to churn out another post before spring break ends and hopefully will publish at more frequent intervals, but there's a lot going on right now.

On the blog, I have an unpublished page of ideas for future posts. Most of them are complete, but many are far from it. I always dread making posts from that list, because unless you know what you're doing, it'll consume you and spit you out with no mercy. It's a terrifying blockade of text without anything vaguely easy on the eyes to ease the agony.
That being said, I decided to try something new. Every once in a while, I make some posts in an attempt to curve the largely list-based posts. Naturally, such lists are the staple of the blog, attracting the most people, but they take so long to finish that the final payout leaves you clinging on to dear life as your fingers throb. The shorter articles, while not necessarily as popular, are an easy way for me to get something done for people to read without the risk of becoming a lifeless husk of a person. This is one of those instances. Hopefully, though, it won't be something I'll regret, because I already have a lot of garbage on here I'd rather pretend were not created.
For the longest time, I wanted to talk about one of my favorite RPGS, Dragon Quest IX. I love the game to quite a fair extent, which I find fairly perplexing considering that nobody I have ever met feels the same. I daresay that it's probably one of my favorite DS games, which is a pretty big thing to say considering I grew up with it as the first handheld that was truly my own. Having never played an entry in the series, I was pleasantly surprised; the graphics are, for the DS, sublime, the music is catchy, the characters are unforgettable, and the story is simplistic yet fits the game like an Einhander. (Get it? 'Cuz it's a glove in the game?! Har har!)

Friday, February 27, 2015

Tumblr Repost: The Two Times Thongs Appeared in Your Favorite Video Games

Okay, so here's a little rundown of what the heck this actually is.
Long-term readers will now that about half a year ago, I started a Tumblr.
It was a complete failure.
The sad thing is that I thought it could be a success. Considering that it is much more current than the essentially obsolete Blogger I've been using for about one and a half years, I was under the impression that it would be noticed by more people, and Christ, it didn't do anything. I don't know how Tumblr works, but I'm under the impression that my page was either broken or buried under a heap of food, porn, and food porn. (HAHA, SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!)
Even so, I feel like some ideas I had up there could eventually find a way here. Apparently, there was some way to link accounts together, and I thought "Hey, maybe this could be used to make a sort of community!" I mean, I have a fair amount of people with which I have contacts, so I thought it would be pretty sweet but alas, that didn't do crud either.
Anyway, I decided that to keep things churning, I would repost the stuff I worked on as "Tumblr Exclusives" and I'm under the fair assumption that 99.9999999% of you will have not already seen it. 
This was the first post I made for the Tumblr on August 30th, 2014. For some reason, I decided "Hey! Let's make a post about underwear!" Thirty minutes later, a mediocre post was born. It's not bad, but I hate it and I don't know why. Probably because it doesn't look good with the rest of my stuff. I tried a new format, but it didn't work because (A) this was the first post and (B) I have no idea what crap I ended up publishing. In addition, I'm under the fair impression that everybody already knows all this stuff, so the post is essentially worthless. Regardless, here it is: one of my worst posts for the general public to taunt me with.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

What, It's Over? The 12 Worst Boss Fights in Gaming History

If you've played video games, you've fought bosses. Some have been easy (jump on him a bunch of times!), and some of them have been hard as iron balls. Sometimes, we've thought "Wow, that was easy!", but have you ever stared at the TV screen baffled when the REAL final boss will come out but he never does? Yeah, we're gonna talk about some of those guys.
12. The Naval Piranha, Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island
Your first impression might be something along the lines of "Matthew, you're an effing idiot! This isn't a hard boss, but he ain't a cakewalk! Why should we listen to any of the crap that you say?" First of all, ouch. That digs deep. You just drilled a hole to China into my stomach.
Secondly, while the boss is pretty standard, there's a nifty little trick to finish it much, much faster.
BEFORE you walk into the boss room, stand on the smallest part of the edge of the platform where the bossfight takes place. Ready for the fight? Trust me, it's one of the most intense fights to ever happen in a video game. My brow is sweating just thinking about it; it's like Niagara Falls plastered above my eyes. You take an egg and fire it at the not-quite fully-grown piranha and POOF, he's dead as a doorknob.
What then ensues is a very socked Kamek flying in, proclaiming "OH, MY!!!", then flying away, most likely butthurt that he was given the short end of the stick. The guy probably made popcorn for the battle, and you ruined his entertainment, you prick. (Then again, how he's entertained by the Mushroom Kingdom's most annoying baby is baffling to all of us.)
11. Mysterio in Spiderman 2 
I've never played a Spiderman game. I've never seen a Spiderman movie. With all of that being said, I apologize to any people who are offended by my poor knowledge on the subject and, as a sidenote, to paraphrase William Shatner in his infamous SNL monologue, "Get a life!"
Anyway, at some point, you encounter some guy called Mysterio. He's, uh, he's got a golden bowling ball for a head or something. I mean, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised considering the whole basis of Spiderman is some guy being bitten by a radioactive spider in a spandex suit, but I digress. Before you fight Mysterio, he/she/it/bowling-balls-might-not-have-genders has an opening scene where he says some stuff, and then his health bar goes through the works: it fills up, fills up again, fills up again, etc. Gamers must've been shaking in their seats. The time came. The cutscene ends. You run towards Mysterio. WHat should you do? You start with a simple punch. Wow! It worked! He goes falling down. Now, ready for his second form? Any second now...... Oh. Nope, he's dead. I guess you could say you..... got a strike out? The guy's just a big turkey if you ask me. He doesn't even have another life to spare. BOWLING JOKES OLOLOLOLOLOL