Sunday, December 7, 2014

Year Round-Up: The Best and the Worst

So, it's December. Winter is in the air. Presents are, well, present. (canned laughter and applause) What better time to evaluate the blog? Not much more is to come of this year, anyway.
I've had this blog for around one and a half years, and man, it's been a good time. With just short of 3000 views, life is going pretty sweet. I decided that it would be fun to look back on the best of the best and the ones that live in infamy, so without further ado, here are the ten best and three worst posts of the past!
10. Animal Crossing: New Leaf Coelacanth Fishing Tips
Date of Publication: July 16th, 2013
While it may be simple and not as amazing as some of my other works, it was the first of my early posts to receive attention. While most posts had five views, this one drew in just short of 50 views.
The article itself is terrible, in my opinion. It's basically a short list of "tips" on catching the elusive coelacanth, all of which are pretty widely known. It's short, it's stupid, it's dumb, but for me, it's nostalgic. While by my current standards it's a flaming turd of an article, it launched me into semi-obscurity instead of purely hipster garbage, which is fine by me.

9. Video Game Characters IRL: Funky Kong
Date of Publication: February 12th, 2014
Marking the beginning of a series that spanned a whopping two articles, VGC IRL was an interesting article, to say the least. Using expert examining skills, I reached the conclusion that Funky Kong is the real-world equivalent of that high roommate you'll hang with in college.
It's a good example of what I like to call "The Intermission Period", wherein the posts bridged the gap between my current style and they-who-we-best-not-say-by-name. It's half-decent, utilizing a lot of the weird and stupid wisecracks, but the moment you read the word "Golly!", you know that this thing is of questionable quality. Regardless, I find myself enjoying the article; who knows, I might even make a follow-up to the series.....?
8. A Video Game Quote A Day: The Legendary Starfy Edition
Date of Publication: November 22nd, 2014
In an attempt to update more frequently, I proposed a challenge to myself wherein I would do a weekly encore of the failed "A Video Game a Day" blog page.
It failed.
I was too apathetic to complete it, and also left my reference pages at home, when, at the time, I was up in our northern neighbor, Canada. Nevertheless, despite the agonizingly-betrayed attempt, the article was pretty solid. Short, stupid, and silly, I gave some more of my "brilliant" commentary regarding two quotes from a video game series for kids, the highlight being an image. (You know that it's kinda dumb if the best part is an image.) Easily overlooked, it was a job application for Moe Grommet (not actual last name) about his yearning to make a monopoly off of sea-urchin nachos. Like, he really, really, REALLY wants those nachos. There are not words to express how much he wants to sell nachos, so you'll have to read it to find out....

7. Questions That NEED to be Answered II
Hey, this'll get me more views!
Date of Publication: October 6th, 2013
At the time of its publication, it was the longest article I had ever written. Detailing the questionably declining quality of Sonic games in recent years, it was essentially a rambling essay taking shots at almost every Sonic game from Sonic Schoolhouse to Sonic '06 and so on. It's an article that I'm genuinely proud of, despite its stupid bias.
There was also a series of highly-quotable moments, including:
"He has to get the namesake "rings" so this weird guy who looks suspiciously like a California Raisin won't kill him. Blah blah blah."
With all the cringes that it brought, it was, in my opinion, a classic, If I ever have an anthropology, this would be on it. Printed in small, white ink so that nobody would be able to read it, but still there. On the last page.

6. Personal List: Five Curious Cases of Game Developers in Video Games
Date of Publication: August 13th, 2014
Despite the fact that I only made the article to showcase Keiji Inafune's mouth cannon with a terrible "Shoop da Whoop" joke, the whole thing actually worked. While most of the tidbits were fairly well-known, I sought to make them even more relevant and interesting. 
The post was made during what I like to call the "Personal List Renaissance". While I previously did several lesser-important articles, such as "The Beginning of the End" and a series of weird reviews, it was during this time that the list features rose to prominence, becoming a highlight of my blog. Heck, this is a blog list with a blog list inside it. Bloglist-ception. Bwoooooooooooooom.
5. Electric Mudkip Interview
Date of Publication: March 1st, 2014
 My first interview was with ElectricMudkip, a pretty popular video game music remixer and now close acquaintance. 
Before I continue, I must admit that I love interviewing people. First of all, I get to meet some of the awesomest people I know, and second, it's cool to get a good insight on some people I admire. To be honest, from my perspective, that's the dream.
Long story short, we find the answers to such dire questions as "I herd you liek Mudkips" and dubstep. Wub wub wub...

4. Personal List: Twenty Disturbing Games That Shouldn't Exist
Date of Publication: June 8th, 2014
If you know me, you know that I like weird stuff. Not creepy stuff, but full-on WTF. What better way to express this unusual love than with a list?
Of course, it wouldn't be a good list without a lot of contributions from Japan, so expect them to rear their unusual head at you a handful of times. This list has everything: butt-slapping games, talking fish-men, killing sprees, and no party is complete without a human boombox. (Minus the last one.)
3. Personal List: Ten Games That Weren't Made to Be
Date of Publication: May 7th, 2014
As celebration for the announcement of Alpha Sapphire and Omega Ruby, I made a list of games that simply weren't meant to be. Ranging from Team Ico's The Last Guardian to Sonic Crackers, it covers all the grounds when it comes to broken dreams.
We suggest you bring along a box of tissues, a bottle of wine to wash away your sorrows, and a priest to help you pray that they see the light one day.

2. Gourmet Gaming Interview
Date of Publication: October 26th, 2014
Considering that Daniella was somewhat of an inspiration for me, I was super excited to be able to interview her. With no offence to Mudkip or any of the others I interviewed, she has to be my favorite. Or should I say.... favourite? BRITISH JOKES OLOLOLOLOLOLOL
An avid video gamer, she takes a chance y making all her favorite foods from gaming come to life. Her Dung Pie? Quite delicious. Portal Cake? It DOES exist. Sinner's Sandwich? I don't care how many sins I break, it looks bloody amazing. OMG ANOTHER BRITISH JOKE OLOLOLOLOLOL
No offence to any Brits in the crowd. I love you guys soooo much <3
1. Personal List: 25 Strange Cult Classics
Date of Publication: August 24th, 2014
Yes. I made two lists to show my love for all that is weird. Stop asking.
The cream a la cream, the cherry on top, the cat on the pizza; however you want to say it, this is the culmination of my work. With everything from surgeons, goats, and decapitated Communist heads, this has everything you could ever want to know about the dark end of gaming; the games that live in infamy as cult classics. Guess what? More than half of them are Japanese. Shocking, right?!

Okay, so we've gone through the best, but I wanna go deeper. I want to go beyond mediocre, beyond terrible. I must transend into horrifically terrible territory. Here are the three worst ones I found.

3. Everything About Video Games: Now Avaliable in Catinese!
Date of Publication: April 1st, 2014
Written as an April Fool's Joke, it lives up to its occassion; it was a joke. A humongous, stupid joke. It wasn't even clever. I was just sitting there, for half an hour, typing up cat gibberish to go alongside this. What a waste of time.
You can't even see the cat in the freaking picture! What was I even thinking? For that matter, what was I even on when I made this? Some things you can't explain, and some things I choose not to.

2. Some Lame Box Art
Date of Publication: April 8th, 2014
If the title wasn't inspired enough, I don't know what is.
Look. I know filler content when I see it. This is filler content. What could've been a pretty hilarious post on the questionable state of box art ended up being a romp through half-baked jokes accompanied by unnerving images. Make sure to take a nice, cold shower after this one, folks; it's a downer.

1. Eulogy of the Shiny Graveler
Date of Publication: December 8th, 2013
Oh Boy.
Inspired by my encounter with a shiny Graveler going awry for the second time, I decided to write an article of the highest possible quality.
Oh wait, I meant lowest quality.
What could've been a fairly humorous account of frustration turned into a stupid, grammatically unsafe excerpt from the mind of an idiot. I swear to God, everytime I see that uncapitalized "i", my veins burst open and blood spurts all over the carpet at twenty miles per hour.
Here's hoping for another good year with hopefully less garbage. ~

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