Sunday, August 24, 2014
25. Sneak King (2006) - Xbox 360
Sneak King is a Burger King advergame released as part of a promotion alongside two other less-popular games, PocketBike Racer and Big Bumpin', both of which sound like rides at the local county fair. They sold for a mere $3.99 at Burger Kings across America, making it the best-selling game of 2006.
It was also, however, one of the worst-received. Scores included 6.7 and 5.8, as well as a well-deserved "BURN IT".
24. Naughty Bear (2010) - Xbox 360, PS3
The plot of Naughty Bear starts with a bear named, uh, Naughty Bear. He is the only bear on an island known as Perfection Island to not be invited to Daddle's birthday party. Being nice, he makes a gift anyway, but after being made fun of by some other bears, he sulks back to his house and plots a mass genocide on all the teddy bears.
Game critics rejoiced in saying that the game sucked. It got 3s and 2.5s and many awards for being the Worst Game of the Year.
Also; unrelated, but here are some fun reviews from a parenting website. (Indicated is the name, rating, age recommendation, review title, and review.) Enjoy!
Four Stars, 13+
13+ for violence and torture!!!
Fun but is actually quiet violent my character killed an un-ted with bone and jammed it down the bears throat. u can kill, murder, assassinate, snap, choke, and gag your enemys.
One Star, 16+
THIS GAME IS SO BAD
Five Stars, 2+
is teddy bears for god sake just let your kids play it
One Star, 17+
hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i added it as a favorite by accident!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ugh! how do u remove favorites?????????
Four Stars, 12+
This is the whole story
Come on give the game a break ok you kill teddy bears I think your parents would rather have you playing this rather then far cry 2 or black ops 2 ok first of all I have the game not like these people ok the teddy bears you kill are all bullying you and they once did a really bad thing to naughty bear and he got so mad he killed them he has a point he kills teddy bears that where horrible mean to him so think about that first
Two Stars, 12+
teddy bears are supposed to be CUTE. what are they gonna imagine next, a FIG TREE?!
sounds very violent
Five Stars, 10+
I LOVED THIS GAME!!!!!
I love this game! It is a great stress relief. Sometimes things in life are too cute and you just need to do something. I let the kids I watch play. It is just a silly game that doesn't have real violence in it. Naughty Bear is better than Sid from Toy Story and that is a beloved childrens movie. At least Naughty Bear has a reason.
23. Jackie Chan in Fists of Fire (1995) - Arcade
22. Brutal Legend (2009) - PS3
The game features Jack Black as Eddie Riggs, a roadie who somehow finds himself in a heavy metal-inspired world. It even featured, in the game, Ozzy Osbourne, a bunch of people nobody knows unless they live in their parent's basement (Sorry, that was mean, but you know who you are), and a soundtrack of one hundred songs across all the metal subgenres. Advertising included vinyl records, an attempt to break the world record for "most people air guitaring" (440 people showed up), and Jack Black appeared at the VMAs and on Jimmy Kimmel in-character to promote the game. It got astounding reviews.
It was, however, declared a commercial failure, selling 1.5 million units worldwide. (Doesn't really sound like a commercial failure, but whatever).
Despite this, its legacy lives on. Despite poor sales, it had a huge surge in popularity, collectively gaining numerous fans.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
5. Postal II (2003) - The Whole Staff
mentioning it, but it somehow keep appearing on my lists. The game is best known for the controversy surrounding it, what with all the violence, vomiting, urinating, animal cruelty, stereotypes, and the generous amount of gore. As such, there are equally as many people who love it and hate it; it gained a cult following, two notoriously bad movies, and a Kickstarter for a third in the duo. (It failed.) The creators even claimed it was "satire". (Of course, they went a little bit too insane for me to actually consider it as satire.)
At some point in the game, you can actually storm into the Running with Scissors headquarters (the company that created the game) and massacre them like some barbaric savage. Then again, they probably deserved it.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
7. Bryan Cranston - Megaforce (1982)
In this extremely old ad for Megaforce for the Atari, Bryan Cranston, future star of "science b!tching" Breaking Bad makes in appearence. He inserts the game into the Atari, um, turns into a motorcyclist(?) and some, err, weird stuff happens.
Surprisingly, Jack Thompson wasn't all over this stuff after Cranston destroys his room.
6. Christian Bale - Mrs. Pac-Man Cereal (1983)
ridiculously '80s cereal commercial for Mrs. Pac-Man cereal. Also; those dance moves. Accompanying lyrics include:
"Pac-man's cereal's got a new surprise; when ya look inside, it's shocking! *whistles*"
5. Evel Knievel - Crash Bandicoot: Warped (1998)
really awkward-looking ad, Evel Knievel teaches the Crash Bandicoot guy how to do some motorcycle stunts. 75% percent of the commercial involves talking, 10% moronic procedures, such as raising up and waving and 15% advertisement. Boring? Yes. Weird? Certainly so.
4. Paul Rudd - SNES Commercial (Unknown Date)
3. Heidi Klum - Guitar Hero: World Tour (2008)
2. Jack Black - Pitfall (1982)
At the ripe age of thirteen, Jack Black gives an excited and memorably overacted speech about being lost in the jungle with Pitfall Harry. This is followed by several other testaments, but WHO CARES?! It's all about Jack Black and his crazily excited talking.
1. Robin Williams - Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D (2011)
|"Dad, are you mixing me up with the princess again?"|
"Hard to say, you're both pretty magical."
In one of the greatest commercials of all time, when Zelda Williams asks him if she's confusing her with Princess Zelda, he utters the famous words, "Hard to say, you're both pretty magical." Carpe Diem, Robin, and godspeed.
Monday, August 11, 2014
Anyway, you know what I love? Some good ol' platformers. My biggest soft spot is probably for the Mario franchise, with its often fascinating gameplay, universes, and of course, the power-ups. Nothing is quite as satisfying as that classic sound of when Mario gulps down a Super Mushroom and your NES goes "Frrump-rump-rump" or whatever the sound was (it's hard to describe in words, but dear God was it satusfying). However, I am not here today to talk about the classics; I'm here to talk about that ones that, regardless of if they have a plce in our hearts, didn't quite catch on for the future installments. These are my top 5 favorite power-ups that didn't catch on.
5. The Frog Suit - Super Mario Bros. 3
4. Bunny Ears - Super Mario Land 2
3. P-Balloon - Super Mario World
Perhaps the rarest power-up in Super Mario World, grabbing it causes Mario (or Luigi) to swell up like a hot air balloon. Other than arousing paraphiliacs, Mario floats in the air for a temporary time before plummeting back to the ground to uncertain doom.
It is most notorious for its appearance in the mind-numbing, infuriating level "Tubular" in which you float past Chargin' Chucks and death traps.
It sucks. Thankfully, we haven't seen it since.
2. Blue Shell - New Super Mario Bros.
1. The Hammer Suit - Super Mario Bros. 3