Friday, June 20, 2014

INTERVIEW: LongArms Has More Than Just His Namesake

Marc Pemberton, better known as Long Arms, is a Youtuber with, well, long arms. Seriously, the arms are the namesake; they're pretty effing long.
Currently with over 300 subscribers and having co-founded Item Box, he has agreed to an exclusive interview. Oh yeah, and did I mention he has long arms? Just wanna kinda put that out there....

When did you find your interest in video games? How did they affect your childhood?
I remember finding out about video games when I was a kid. They were a huge part of my childhood. In fact, playing video games when I was a child are probably some of my earliest memories! I remember playing Super Mario World, Donkey Kong Country, Sonic, and several other games that I’m probably forgetting at the moment. They affected my childhood by giving me a sense of adventure, and by showing me all sorts of interesting characters and stories that I still love to see unfold even to this day. I’m still very much so a ‘gamer’ today, and I have the games that I played in my earlier years to thank for that!

What are your favorite video games?
Oh, snippity snap. This question is always kind of hard to answer, but I’ll do my best!

Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures
Super Mario Bros. 3
Earthbound
Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery EP (the game that got me into indie games)
Heavy Rain (more as an experience than as a game… ‘cause it’s not so much of a game)
The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind

And sooooooooo many more than I can’t remember right off the top of my head. But I like all kinds of games! Especially SNES games. ‘Cause that ones my favorite.

Why did you start your YouTube channel? What goals do you have for it?
I actually originally wanted to start making videos during That Guy With The Glasses heyday (around ’08-’09) when they were looking for talent on their website. I made a single review, but it was awful, and it didn't quite get the results I wanted it to, so I just stopped making videos… until Hidden Block started. I was suddenly struck with inspiration and a desire to create videos again. I wasn't quite sure how it would turn out, but I KNEW that’s what I wanted to do. So, I guess you could say I started my channel because, well, I just wanted to! It’s been kind of a dream of mine to make content that people would enjoy, especially since I’m a huge fan of people like Peanut Butter Gamer, the Angry Video Game Nerd, JonTron, ProJared, the dudes from Hidden Block, and a whole bunch of my friends who are a constant source of inspiration to create the best entertaining videos that I can!

As for goals, I’d love to start growing my audience more. I know that means trying to stay on a regular upload schedule, as mine has been sporadic as poop since I've started. I think the longest gap in between my videos was something like three months, so I really need to get better at that and uploading regularly. Other then that, my main goal is to try and stay as consistently entertaining as I can humanly possibly be! It’s more difficult than I thought, but hopefully I’m doing alright!

What do you want out of the future?
My main goal personally right now is to finish college. I’m only one more semester away from graduation, and I’d love to finally be done with it after a long six years. That way I could finally find a job, get my own place,  As for my YouTube channel, I don’t know! I guess to just try and entertain as many people as I can!

What is the worst video game you've ever laid eyes on?

Oh, man. I wish I could answer that without spoiling anything for a video. But let’s just say it’s something I’ll be covering in the near future. As for another game that I won’t be making a video game on that I think is terrible, Bad Rats is, without a doubt, one of the worst games I've ever played. The physics system is atrocious, broken, and confusing as balls to figure out how to solve any of the puzzles that are presented without looking at the cheat sheet. The graphics are shameful, the soundtrack bursts ear drums, and even though it’s cheap during Steam sales, it’s a game I’d advise people to stay away from. It is fun to laugh at, though, I’ll give it that much.

Finding applicable GIFs is always impossible.
Why do you have such an epic Goiter lump?
Haha, I actually had to look up what a goiter was, and I assume you mean my Adams apple? ‘Cause if you do, then that’s all genetics, baby. S’like, God looked down on me, and was like “I’mma put a huge… uh… thing... in his throat. Because one of his parents has a thing in their throat. Yeah. That looks good. S’beautiful.”

And that’s the story of my Adams apple.


Lastly, how long are your arms? And how did they become the namesake of my channel?
I haven't measured my arms, so I've never actually known how long they are. I kind of like the mystery of not knowing how long my arms are. Not to say that they aren't long, because if there’s ever something on the top shelf that someone can’t reach, I’m your guy to ask to get it down. I guess it kind of helps that I’m tall, too, but still!

As for my ‘longarms’ being the namesake of my channel, well then let me tell you a story of daring adventure! I remember I was just signing up for the Hidden Block forums when they opened. I was trying to think of a dope username I could use (‘cause all of my old ones were starting to become incredibly stale). So, I did what I do whenever I have trouble trying to think of something for a name - I look around at my surroundings and see if there’s anything that I could use. I didn't really find anything interesting, until I looked at my arms. I had always thought my arms were kind of long, and I thought it sounded cool, so I went with it! Made a YouTube account shortly after I had decided I wanted to make videos again with the name, and thus… is history.
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Thank you for the interview.
So... I won't be able to update the blog as much as I'd like to. My summer is kinda crazy, which is also why this is going up twenty days late. I'll try to update frequently...
Anyway, next month I will be interviewing.... actually, I have no idea. I have to figure it out. Oh well.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Personal List: Twenty Disturbing Games That Shouldn't Exist.

We're gamers. Why else are you on this blog? The reasons are a) you like video games or b) you are being held by a mad psychopath and forced to read this. If the latter is true, you're psychopath has good taste. (canned laughter)Anyway, there are games we love and games we hate. But these games.... I don't even know how to classify them other than disturbing and sick. Unfortunately, there are many such games that fall into that criteria; here are twenty that should cease to exist.
20. Custer's Revenge
Oh yes. Custer's Revenge.
In 1982, the gaming company Mystique decided to make a game, with complete historical accuracy might I add, about General Custer. Naturally, having done a lot of research, they reached the conclusion that he was a crazed rapist  with a boner about as long as a flagpole.
Often considered the original "controversial game", it was definitely one of, if not the first games to feature, umm, rape. Keep in mind that this was also for a whopping $49.95. The old days, man; anything passed.
Basically, you control our "hero", General Custer. The gameplay is simple; go across the screen dodging arrows to heroically rescue a Native American woman and resume to, umm, do it. May I also take this moment to mention that her cleavage is bigger than her face. Realism.
One of the best parts, though, is the back of the packaging, which reads:
"If the kids catch you and should ask, tell them Custer and the maiden are just dancing."
Yes, this was the Atari, and their sex is less than appealing and hardly even recognizable, but the fact that the producers thought the perverts who bought this game had kids? Clearly, Mystique's understanding of the gaming community was about as strong as my thumb.... It's not strong.