Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Some Lame Box Art

Just to hold you over, here is some commentary on laughably bad box art. Warning: this is probably filler content.

The Mystery of the Druids
It was obviously a rough week at the office. Either that, or the game was so horrifying that Mr. Druid over here wanted to make an O-face.

Super Duper Sumos
Witness true fear as three "sumo wrestlers" butt-slap. You know it's anatomically correct, though, because the buttocks is larger than the entirety of the rest of one's body thrust into a blender and poured into a bucket.
Furthermore, the explosion that their bottoms make echoes across the screen in vomit-green. How appetizing.

Bust-A-Move 2
If there's anything that makes me want to bust a move, it's demonic floating marbles. Reads the box, "So addictive... It should be illegal!" I could go on a rant about how idiotic a subtitle this is, but considering they thought it was deserving of a "K-A" rating, we obviously know the logic behind the game developers was quite flawed.

Karnaaj Rally
Jaleco is perhaps the Holy Grail of bad box art. I think I might make a list on that, actually. Anyway, we know that the team was of great genius to have stuffed onto the cover a screaming dude with blue hair. "Woah, dude! This game is rad!" he seems to say... If only I could agree.

Another famous example of bad box art is Phalanx. According to the team, though, it was intentionally confusing to stir up interest in the customer, which I have to agree with: nothing says "great game" like a hillbilly rocking out on his banjo, completely oblivious of the enormous fighting jet right behind him.

Art Alive
Remember this gem?.... No?... I don't either. We witness a young child oogling at his virtual fish tank while atop sits two kids. The girl seems to be giving a banana to a monkey, and that face.... Anyway, to her left is a young boy, extremely satisfied by a parrot on his hand that he forgets that its talons are digging into his flesh.
How delightfully charming.

Night Trap
Our woman up front is so happy with her purchase that she jumped right up front with the most disgusted face ever. Perhaps she's just showing how angry she is that she was featured in the 1 1/2 hours of FULL MOTION VIDEO that she points at.

Iron Sword: Wizards and Warriors II
Fabio was having trouble with his career, and as a last resort, he decided to pose for box covers. That's probably how the story goes at least.

Ninja Golf
Ninjas.... stealthy men of the shadows and also one step away from becoming the next Tiger Woods. There are no words to describe how ridiculous this cover is, so I won't even try.

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