Sunday, April 13, 2014

Personal List: Top 12 Game Titles from Game Icons You Probably Haven't Heard Of

So aside from the terrible (and lengthy) title, this article is dedicated to all those classic gaming titles we all know and love. Who could possibly forget Sonic Schoolhouse? Oh yeah, JUST ABOUT EVERYBODY.
Such games are usually forgotten because their downright weird.  The Blue Blur, faster than the speed of light, is driving a bus through Nebraska. What a delightful fate. BREAK OUT THE CHAMPAGNE EVERYBODY!!!
Seriously, these ideas range from really stupid to awesome. Such forgotten titles shall be addressed; here are my Twelve Favorite (Insert Long Titles Here)

12. McDonald's LCD Sonic Toys
Yes, I know. It was hard to believe there was ever a time when McDonald's toys were actually slightly interesting. Were the good? Probably not. But the idea that McDonald's once produced semi-quality toys astounds me. One such game is "Tails Sky Adventure", shown left, the inspiration of which originates from the (perhaps even more) unknown games Tails' Skypatrol and Tails Adventure. Such games make you wonder how fast-food toys went from mini video games to Spongebob Toys made from the cheapest plastic in all of China.

11.Mario & Wario
The peculiar title known as Mario & Wario was, from what I can assume, a SNES title. Using m super-awesome (and terrible) analysis skills, we can find Wario doing the "giant villian in the background" cliche, Mario with a, uh, bucket on his head? Screw it, I'm going with Wikipedia.
From the information our ever-so-accurate encyclopedia friend tells us, it's a puzzle game involving Mario blinded by various objects on his head, guided by a fairy to the end of a level.
I don't get it either.
While the game was released exclusively in Japan, it was in full English and even referenced in Pokemon Red and Blue, where by checking the SNES in Red's room, it states "A game with MARIO wearing a bucket on his head!"

10. Yoshi's Safari
Aww... Yoshi's Safari! Sounds like a cute little game where Yoshi plays with little animal friends!


This game is way to bad-ass for you pussies. Mario's got a freakin' gun, y'all. He gons shoot ya down!!!!
I won't do that again, I swear.
Basically Mario's response to Hogan's Alley or Duck Hunt, we ride upon our trusty steed and shoot down classic Mario enemies, such as Koopa Troopas and the classic Koopalings. The idea just baffles me. Why would you give Mario a freaking gun?! You wanna play a half-assed round of CoD? Then just freaking do it!
(Apologies to anyone who likes CoD. The only way I like it is with tartar sauce, thank you very much.)

9. Viewtiful Joe 2 
Maybe I'm just really stupid, but I don't ever recall there being a sequel to Viewtiful Joe. The game combined action, cinematic sequences, and a quriky sense of humor into a pretty sweet ride, and for some reason I didn't know that our cape-donned hero returned.

8. Mortal Kombat

You would think a game like Mortal Kombat would only be better if you could bring it wherever you go. Such was NOT the case for the ill-fated Mortal Kombat on the GameBoy. While many games were still good despite grayish tones, Mortal Kombat looked hilariously awful. In the end, though, we end up with a game more curious than good.

7. Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars

"That's RACIST!", I can hear you shouting. To be honest, GTA is NOT my area of expertise by any means. So many times, though, I forget this game existed. Come on, it doesn't even follow the numbering code!
From what I know, it's basically a GTA adventure similar to the first two (remember those?), where you get a nice overhead view of all the action. Even so, it's gotten the highest score for any DS game (on average) and the PSP version is well-recieved too, but it just doesn't seem as famous (or should I say infamous?) as the other ones.

6. Kid Icarus: Of Myths and Monsters
Remember Kid Icarus? Probably. Remember the 3DS resurge? Hecks yeah! Remember the Gameboy version?
The game is often dubbed a "hidden gem". With better gameplay, graphics, and an ever-so-memorable soundtrack, it was buried into obscurity, surrounded by more beloved games such as Tetris and Super Mario Land.

5. Doom
Remember when Doom hot the PCs. Aahhh.... I don't. But that's not the point. The ever-so-egotistic John "Narcissus" Romero became beloved for his work and creation of Doom, Quake, and the true classic and much-beloved Daikatana. (Just kidding, it freaking sucks.) and, taking a chance, ported over the success to a more compact gaming device. It was awesome.
While not as well-known as it's PC relative, Doom on the GameBoy Advance made a nic addition to the family.

4. Kingdom Hearts: Chain Memories
I don't know anything about Kingdom Hearts. Here's a game you probably haven't heard of in the series.
In actuality, though, the game is often forgotten. Directly following the PS2 release, while it was a commercial success, chances are that if there's a friend who loves Kingdom Hearts, they have never heard of this little gem.
Can you read this? Lucky you.
Okay Bye.

3. Ripening Tingle's Balloon Trip of Love
Tingle! Tingle! Kooloo limpah!
Bet you never thought I'd say that, did you?
This obscure Legend of Zelda spin-off is perhaps even stranger than the "Rocket Slime" series, and also, DEAR LORD, WHY DOES THIS EXIST!? Even odder is the fact that in the week of is release, it was in the top ten best-selling games. Why, Japan?
Apparently, this is a Japanese-excursive game (big shocker) in whic our hero of 35 years buys a picture book and gets... wait for it... sucked into it.... I can't make this shit up. Oh, and get this:
"A central gameplay element is the romantic communication with female characters. To complete the game, Tingle has to have some form of relationship with each of the five available girls. To raise the girl's affections, he must enter the "Love Push" mode, and attempt to raise their "love meters". He does this by giving them gifts, where each gift has a different effect on each girl." -excerpt from Zelda Wiki
He "attempts to raise his love meters." Tingle, dude, that's effing disgusting.

2. Freshly-Picked Tingle' Rosy Ruppeeland

Yep. Apparently Japan couldn't get enough of the glorified garden gnome and gave him another game, the third about him to be specific.
Arguably, this game could be considered more well-known because it was also released in Europe, but I think this game should be higher because, well, it sounds more interesting than a game glorifying a, err, "Love Meter". (Totally a euphemism.) The little information I have states that in the game, Tingle is given the oppurtunity to go to "Rupeeland", which might as well be the Walt Disney World of the Zelda-verse. Along his journey, he collects treasure and uses bodyguards to protect him..... Okay then....

1. Virtual Boy Wario Land
Despite being the first 3-D gaming system and one of the first handhelds, the Virtual Boy was horrible. It was ugly discomforting, and headache-inducing. All the games were complete garbage.
Or were they?
Wario Land is a rare exception. While others suffered through rounds of Nester's Funky Bowling, lucky (and pretty unlucky for actually buying the Virtual Boy) others got to play this obscure gem. This would probably be more loved had the Virtual Boy not been a complete disaster.

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