Saturday, April 5, 2014

Personal List: 6 Nostalgic Moments that I Never Experienced

Having lived throughout the 21st century, I was never exactly exposed to the classics. Just to demonstrate this, here's a list of games I never experienced:

Pong, Breakout, Arkanoid, Space Invadors, Legend of Zelda, Legend of Zelda II, Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong Jr., Donkey Kong Math (remember that one?), Mario Bros., Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, Donkey Kong Country, Donkey Kong Country II, DOnkey Kong Country III, Chrono Trigger, Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Sonic the Hedgehog 3, Sonic and Knuckles, Alex Kidd in Miracle in Miracle World, Shinobi, Probably some other huge NES, SNES, and Genesis games, Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening (DX), Super Mario Land, Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins, Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons/Ages, Conker's Bad Fur Day, Pilotwings, Pilotwings 64, Mario Party, Mario Party 2, Shantae.......

You get the point. It's a lot.
Even so, thanks to an amazing piece of cutting-edge technology known as "Internet", I have a vast knowledge of memorable moments in gaming, 99% of which I've never experienced first-hand, second-hand, err, third-hand.....
The point is, here are six nostalgia-inducing moments in gaming history that I've never witnessed.
6. Majora's Moon
Remember the hairs raising on your chest as the terrifying moon crashed down to the Earth? Seeing the explosions of Clock Town as the clock tower fell to the ground, and Link screamed as you met with a terrible fate (have you?)?
Well I certainly don't!
It's kind of weird for me to consider that this game came out in 2000, the dawn of the 21st century. It seems so much older, I guess because of the technological advances we've made over the years or the many pictures of me in diapers. Yeah, that's right. I wasn't able to stand up on my own two feet when this game came out.
Now that's not to say I'm nine years old. Cuz' I'm not. Seriously. STOP LOOKING AT ME! Just... just do the math, okay?
No, but really, this is perhaps the most recent nostalgic game I've never even touched, let alone played.


5. Watching the Heroes of Nintendo Being Flushed Down the Toilet
Said a raspy-voiced Mario, "Y'know what they say. Toastas... toast toast." C'mon, we've all seen the CD-i games by Phillips from the mid-90s. In one terrible move, Nintendo granted Phillips the usage of their best-selling heroes; Mario and Link. What happened goes down in history as Youtube Poop. For those who are unfamiliar with this strange practice, "Youtube Poop" is a series of edited pieces of pop culture using odd effects such as strobe lights and making the victims repeat sentences l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-like this. It's actually quite hard to explain.
Either way, we got to witness some of the worst Nintendo games in history; Hotel Mario, and the triple Zelda games from Hell. The games didn't sell. They got horrible reception. And best of all: we all get to make fun of them.
4. Daydreaming of Laura Croft
Back in 1996, eagle-eyed Playstation players gawked over Laura Croft? She was beautiful. Those eyes, they showed no mercy as she glanced over her shoulders...
Nah, just messing with you. It was the cleavage.
Back when the game was being created, some graphic designer accidentally hit some button that increased her breast size by, well, a LOT. He was going to delete it when others commented that it should stay in the game. With that tiny mistake, one of gaming's biggest sex icons was born.
I'm not going to say much. I'll try not to make too BIG of an article just about what's going on up there.
[Insert immature sexual innuendo here]
Either way, Laura Croft was not only one of the first female heroes in gaming, but also, well, hot. That's why she's at Number Four.
3. The Dog Ending in Silent Hill 2

Oh, yes. Silent Hill. The survival horror game is often considered a staple of its genre, perhaps scarier than Resident Evil, I don't know. To be honest, I don't play horror games, and I know little about Silent Hill, but one of the few things I'm aware of is its branching endings. The most memorable? You find out that everything was maipulated by.... wait for it..... a dog. Our hero then proceeds to rub against it, and the ending credits is an odd dog-barking medley accompanied by some questionable inclusions such as a pizza. Real classy.
2. The Forest Maze
Who could forget their stroll through the Forest Maze in Super Mario-oh RPG? It's considered a staple of the game and widely considered one of the more iconic SNES moments. Then there was the music. Even people who have never played or heard of the game knows this music. My grandmother knows this music. My cat knows this music. That rock over there?.... Well, actually it's a rock, so it can't hear, but it probably knows the music too. There is no reason to defend my choice in the matter; we all know that it deserves to be here, yet there's one moment that tops it all off, and you probably know what I'm talking about.
1. Aeris' Death
Let's completely forget that the cutscene depicting Aeris' death is in horrifying FMV. That moment, way back in 1997, was like Sephiroth kicking you in the groin. It hurt. A lot. The character that we'd come to love was dead. Just like that.
While it may not be a surprise anymore (now that it's spread across the Internet like wildfire), but even today, watching that happen on the TV screen was painful. It truly was the first emotional moment in modern gaming history. And thus it deserves its place not only on this list, but in our hearts.

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