Sunday, February 23, 2014

SURPRISE! Lep's World Review

I literally realized (just now) that you guys probably are angry at me for not posting anything besides a lousy schedule on Saturday Consider this a happy apology as I play the free app, Lep's World, or as I call it, "WHY DEAR GOD, WHY?!"
Our delightfully bad story begins with a "story board". And when I say "story board", I mean (with all due respect) that it's horrifically confusing. Let me just show it to you:

I will give you ten dollars if you can write me an essay proving that this game has the best storyline ever. Oh wait... There is no way to state that this game's narrative is good, let alone understandable. So there's a leprechaun sleeping on a pile of moolah, and then a hurricane comes out of the, uh... ground? Now Mr. Leprechaun IV is in a barrel, bereft of his money, and he's gonna go all "Tornado Chasers" on us and get back his stash. Dear God, this makes no sense. I like to call myself fairly smart, but this is beyond my mind's comprehension.
Two clicks later and we are playing the game. I suppose it's not horrible. Don't get me wrong, it makes Bubsy 3D look like a masterpiece, but this is probably as close to a Mario game as we will ever get on an iPod Touch.
The mechanics are simple enough: you control Lep (is that even his name?) through some Mario-inspired platforming. Hop up, move left and right, and throw.... pinecones? I won't even question that. The problem is that Lep controls like he's on an ice rink; he just slips and slides on his frictionless sandals I suppose. It is acceptable in snow levels, but on grassy fields it's just immensely stupid.
So, you collect three pots 'o gold (like Star Coins except lamer) and get to the end of the level. For a game modeled after Mario, you'd expect flag, right? Or something that determines point gain by where you land? NOPE. It's just some stupid rainbow you walk up to and BAM! Mission complete.
This goes on until a cave level, which is.... practically the same thing. At 1-4, we get to this cool looking dungeon place. I muster up all my courage and run through the depths of the castle to pursuit a boss, but...... just a rainbow.
Yep; as you can guess, it just continues like that. All the levels are almost exactly the same (save 2-1 which is some stupid slippy-slide ice level), giving you no motivation to continue, and even if you get to the "end" of the game..... You just go back to the title screen. Really? No send-off? FOR SHAME.

Let's just get to the review; the less I have to play this game, the better.
Gameplay: 6/10. The game is entirely linear and straight-forward. There are no secrets, and the collectible "cauldrons" are in plain sight. As such, the gameplay is pretty disappointing.
Length: 2/10. If  you rush to the end as fast as possible, you will beat the game in fifteen minutes. If you collect everything, it would take a whopping 20 whole minutes. Notice the pattern? The levels are hideously dumbed down to a point where my cat could play it.
Difficulty: 1/10. The game is soooo easy. I only died twice, and that was just to witness the truly laughable death animation. Lep is all like "Oops!" and just kinda falls. Anyway, the game is just pathetic; there's no challenge for anybody ranging from a hardcore gamer to an infant.
Story: 1/10. Just..... Just NO.
Characters: 3/10. Let's see here; there's a leprechaun. His enemies are, obviously, red caterpillar things, and snails. Oh, leprechauns HATE snails if you didn't already know that. With all due seriousness though, there is nothing to see in this aspect.
Graphics: 7/10. Believe it or not, Lep's World has some mediocre graphics. The pixel-count is non-existent, the animation is smooth, and even if the gameplay sucks, the graphics make it just a little easier to swallow.
Music: 4/10. You know it's bad when Pong has a better soundtrack. There's two songs, both generic and bubbly. Unlike Starfy, though, the game fails to make them catchy. Even ten minutes after playing the game top to bottom, I can't remember any of the songs. They go from "eh" to "SHUT UP!!" really, really fast.
Fun: 6/10. For all I've bashed on it, I had a fair amount of fun. FOR TWO MINUTES. Its the kind of game you can throw at your kids to distract them for a solid half hour, but even they will get bored of this snooze-fest really quickly.

As such, I give Lep's World a 30 out of 80. It just sucks, okay? Sure, it's not bad for a free app, and you might enjoy it (marginally) the first time you play it, but you will be happy to delete shortly thereafter.

.. And that's it. I hope you enjoyed it!

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