Saturday, June 30, 2018

Update: It's Dead. Here's Why.

First of all, if you're reading this, I sincerely have no idea why. Either you're someone who knows me from my more recent ventures and just uncovered this entire blog, or you're checking up for whatever reason. Or maybe Google just brought you to my blog and you clicked towards the main page. It doesn't really matter. But at this point, I just want to make the statement clear that this site, after this post, will be unequivocally dead.

And obviously, there's a lot of reasons why. I unpacked a lot of them in the last update which you can just scroll down to (or click here), but as time has progressed and I've matured a bit more, I think there's more to be said. The most obvious reason is just thematic: I don't have the supreme judgement calls to do anything remotely related to video games. If writing about television has taught me anything, analysis is an art form that requires you, the writer, to be properly informed. I was not. I wrote things based off of hunches, approximating stuff that sounded smart without getting anywhere beyond surface level because I lacked the fundamental backbone to articulate with legitimacy. What I enjoyed most was divulging into stories and finding ways to comedically deconstruct things that were, all thing considered, crowd-pleasing at worst and unfocused at best. I kept trying to trick myself into writing by recalling memories or writing about other people's content, often unrelated to gaming itself; by the end of its run, it was just becoming clear that I wasn't interested anymore, and that I was finding excuses not to write about what I was supposed to. So I stopped.

But beyond that, it fostered an intense loneliness and desperation. The gaming community, quite frankly, is a horrible place to try to force yourself into—the people at the top stay at the top, and the bottom-feeders attempting to climb the ladder don't have a chance. I think it was in recognizing that the blog would never get me to any ends, and that my internal gratification in writing for it was so minuscule, that my excitement dissipated.

Reflecting now, too, I was a mess of a person. I genuinely loved being able to interview people, but what I didn't realize was that I wanted to become someone, and the name of the game was association. Of course I cared about these people, and I admired their work, but it was in an unintentionally superficial way; they were like a prize I could trot around. And for a hot minute, I'd accumulated quite the murderers' row of names within the community. But all that does is foster further disconnect. Time passed; people went away. The well-respected names I sucked up to slowly stopped emailing me back or acknowledging my existence on any level aside from the superficiality that I was both trying to shatter, but at the same time, in my awkward assertions, swerve to my advantage. Even recently, I tried contacting one of those people again just to talk, and he was sweet and kind and a great person, but the disconnect between creator and spectator persisted, and aside from that loose tethering, we had no common ground. A part of me, of course, wants to go back and message these people and befriend them, and in all fairness, I recognize how much I projected before... but some stones are best left unturned.

That's also why I love what I do now. I'm not chasing after people in search of validation; they validate me on the basis of being a person with an opinion that they actually respect. The friendships I've made through it and still make through it are driven through respect and reciprocation. If anything, at times, people have somewhat sucked up to me, which is disconcerting as heck; the tides have turned, and I've become someone with influence. That's something this blog would never grant me.

I'm finally operating in a space where people recognize me, where I'm not trying to be someone I'm not for the sake of scraping the advantages, and where I'm not fighting for recognition. This blog, more than anything else, is special to me because it's where I learned the ropes; it's where I figured out the ins and outs of writing, and having an audience, and more importantly, what it means to actually care about what you do.

This site, in that sense, has fulfilled its purpose. It's been a journey—I started this blog at the beginning of middle school, and now, on my way to college, I'm kissing it goodbye. At the lack of any badass parting words, though, let me just say this: there's nothing wrong with having a dream. Even if at times I wish I could disown this website, I'd never be able to. It was in trying to chase after that dream that I realized it would never bear anything true to who I am, and moving on was probably one of my greatest life decisions.

Dreams change. Change with them.


Saturday, March 18, 2017

Update: What's Going On Right Now?

Hey. In the slim chance that you check back here to see if I've done anything lately, I've got some stuff to say.

For the past two months, I've had a draft entitled "Update: Will." It's set to be my final farewell to this blog, but at the same time, I'm too scared to start writing it. I don't know if I'd regret it or not. And so it sits, empty, to be posted one day, be it in two months or two years.

First of all: no, I don't want to abandon this site. But there will be a lot less going on here. This was a labor of love since I was 12. I'm 16 now, and I don't know how to feel about leaving the old stomping grounds behind. 

I will say that my attention has focused a lot on the other blog, Unfunny Guy. Allow me to explain a bit.

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

A Thought to Chew: Memory

I've been playing a lot of Color Splash lately, and as a disclaimer, I will say upfront that yes, I very much enjoyed it. The gameplay might be a bit rough around the edges, and I'll probably address that at some point, but everything else about the game is endearing and charming. There are three amazing prongs to it- beautiful artistic choices, a profound sense of humor (especially for a Mario game), and a phenomenal soundtrack. If there's one thing that a game can sell me on the most, it's music, and while Color Splash is definitely the most well-rounded game in terms of having consistently good music to match the circumstances of the game, there's one piece of music that I think is better than all of it combined.

The song is "Memory", Rather, it's four songs. The early ones are light and contemplative, with simple piano notes accompanied by the ticks of a clock and a rotating film reel. We get a cinematic, sentimental vibe, an immediate contrast to the otherwise cheerful optimism the game radiates.

Sunday, January 29, 2017

Dear Game, Don't Patronize Me

To think it only took a whole month to revert back to proper content, and by that I mean content pertaining to the actual point of this blog existing.

For the past few days I've been playing a lot of Yoshi's Woolly World, a game I got last year but never opened because I've been so preoccupied, but I digress. It's a genuinely good game with amazing music and an excellent post-game difficulty curb to everybody who thought Yoshi games couldn't possibly make you want to pull all of your hairs out one by one in a masochistic exercise of frustration and insanity (a slow, painful descent might I add.) Or maybe I just suck. Honestly, that's a perfectly valid explanation too.

Friday, January 20, 2017

Introducing the Legacy List (200 Articles)

200 Articles. Over the course of the past 3.5 years, I've written 200 articles.

Of those, I'm proud to say at least 20 are moderately passable.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Favorite Videos of 2016 List

Here's the list of the articles for the videos I discussed over the past two weeks. If I can say one thing, though, it's that I'm really looking forward to just talking about video games, okay?

Monday, January 16, 2017

Favorite Video of 2016: Day 15: Time Friends

"We're not friends. We're time friends."
As per last year, I'm starting and ending with Olan. It's been established that I admire the guy, I know, so let's just talk about the video. Why did I decide to declare this my favorite video of the past year?